


An Arrangement of Sorts

by lokiedokie (angelmoose), potterwholocktrekian



Series: Rehabilitation [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Lots of Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-14 07:25:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 33,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1257880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelmoose/pseuds/lokiedokie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/potterwholocktrekian/pseuds/potterwholocktrekian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki wants to apologise to Tony Stark for what he has done to his tower. So much so, that he breaks out of a cell that had suppressed his magic- by force, I might add- and found his way to Tony’s bedroom after his magic had been restored. So much so, that he sparks an…arrangement of sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Formation

Loki was sorry. Very sorry. Not for the death or the pain or the heartbreak that he caused across Midgard. Not for the jealousy or the greed or the madness that he portrayed. Loki was sorry, agonisingly, awkwardly, miserably sorry for destroying Stark Tower. It didn’t make sense, he knew that. He was _Loki_ ; God of mischief, Liesmith, Silvertongue, responsible for the _spectacular_ (if he may say so himself) destruction of New York, for bringing Midgard’s first full-scale alien invasion. And he was sorry for destroying a _tower_ \- an ugly one, at that. He did not feel sorry that Stark had to now rebuild his home; Loki did not even have a hole to his name. He did not want to apologise for the way he had used the tower as the base for the Tesseract, it was clearly the perfect location. No, Loki was sorry that Stark _probably hated him now._   
Loki looked around the cramped cell he had been thrown in by S.H.I.E.L.D, as if any of the puny humans who were guarding him could have heard his twisted and perturbed thoughts. None of them could, obviously, but Loki was so shocked at what he had thought that he could think of nothing else to do.   
His heart, usually strong and still, knocked against his chest as if it were warning him against his thoughts, telling him to drop everything and back away slowly. Loki didn’t think that that would be the best option. True, it may save him the trouble of a long detour, but it may detract from his plan. Yes, his plan to…take over Midgard.   
There was no use, even the God of Lies could not lie to himself. He sighed, straightened his spine and immediately tensed when Director Fury strode confidently over to the glass that separated them.   
“Loki…Loki, Loki, Loki,” The one-eyed man (Loki didn’t like the resemblance to another one-eyed man he thought he knew) repeated his name over and over, as if testing out the word to see if it fit his tongue.   
“You realise what I’m going to say, surely?” He said, and if Loki had been a half-wit like his br- like Thor, he may have mistaken his tone as compassion. To Loki, it was clearly satisfaction.   
“I have a strong idea, yes.” Loki whispered with a smile. He may not have felt like smiling, but he knew it was disconcerting to those who were not used to it.   
“Then tell me. Tell me what we plan for you.” Fury said incredulously, as if he could barely believe that Loki held even an ounce of a brain.   
“You plan to strap me down to one of your metal tables, force poison into my blood, to kill me slowly and harshly. It’s what I would do if I was you, at least.” Loki said the last with a smirk, it was soft and not meant for Fury, rather for his own amusement.   
“Good, so we’re on the same page. How does it feel to know you will face justice?” Fury spoke slowly, a failed attempt to sound…menacing. Loki could feel the laugh bubbling up through him.   
“Oh, it feels…satisfying.” Loki said with a husky laugh. Oh, how he enjoyed being cryptic.   
Fury frowned, then shook his head.   
“We may be about to kill you, Loki, but don’t think we are cruel like you. Your brother will be here to say goodbye in a minute, any other last _requests_?” The way Fury said ‘requests’ made Loki think he would not be afforded such a luxury.   
He made an over-exaggerated thinking noise before answering.   
“Hmm. Well, I would like to have these restraints removed, to have the magic-dampening device disconnected and a strong glass of alcohol.” He spoke with such a sarcastic tone that Fury actually rolled his eyes. Another human came in and whispered something in Fury’s ear.   
“Your brother’s here. We’ll be watching.” He pointed to the device in the corner of the room and strode out of the room, his long coat billowing out behind him.   
Not long after Thor bumbled in, his usual infuriatingly grinning expression gone from his bearded face.   
“Brother.” He said softly and it sounded as if the strong warrior would cry like an infant at any given moment.   
“Oh, I am not even near to being your _brother_ , Thor. Are you getting _emotional_? Has Midgard really softened you to this?” The opportunity to insult Thor was not one he could pass up. His face fell even further than the pit it was currently lying in. Loki’s grin spread across his face, a bridge over that deep emotional hole in which he had fallen.   
“I do not care what our Father has told you. I do not care from which realm you hail. All I care about is that you are safe, and that you are my brother. If not by blood, then by shield.” Thor spoke delicately, the sentiment in his voice practically palpable in the air. Loki rolled his eyes and tried his best to look disinterested, which he was, unsurprisingly, very good at.   
“You should leave, Thor. Now is not the time for mawkishness.” And with that, despite the pleading tone that Thor’s voice had adopted, Loki did not say another word, nor even so much as looked in Thor’s direction.   
It was not that he didn’t love his brother. It was not that he had disowned him. His apathy was more to do with the fact that Loki could not spare an ounce of his concentration if he was ever to escape. He needed every last fragment of his mind free and concentrated on his cause if he was going to build up the energy to break past the magical ward that surrounded him and get to Stark.

* * *

 

Tony rolled his eyes, for the hundredth time, at JARVIS.   
“You should know me better than this, JARVIS! I don’t care if it is mathematically and physically _impossible_. I need a barrier that can completely shield the tower against attacks of magic!” He said the word cautiously, not knowing if he should call it magic when it was (he really, _really_ hoped) just a branch of science unknown to Earth.   
“Sir, with all due respect, I will be fairly unable to assist you in this new…endeavour. My scanners and my interface are unfamiliar with such technology and so I will be unable to provide sufficient data.” JARVIS’s sharp British accent sliced through the air and Tony, for what could have been the millionth time, wished he hadn’t programmed so much sass into his AI.   
He proceeded to ignore JARVIS as he began his research which, despite his absolute hatred for preparing himself before doing something, he knew that he did not have the faintest idea of where to begin.   
He googled, he read, he researched, but the fruits of his labour were little more than lies and myth. He sighed and stored what little research he had in a secure folder under the name of ‘Magicky Crap’.   
“Sir-“   
“No JARVIS, for the last time, you cannot have an update, I’m still mad at you.” Tony retorted.   
“But sir-“   
“Can you hear something,  DUM-E? All I can here is an AI that needs to _shut up!_ ” Okay, he admits it, that wasn’t his best comeback, but this could probably go down in the records as the longest amount of time any human in the history of the world has gone without sleep and not collapsed.   
“Sir, there is an intruder outside of your workshop and it is taking everything I have got to override the coding he is entering. He will be inside the room in approximately 10.749 seconds.” JARVIS spoke with a calm tone, and Tony had to remind himself again that JARVIS was a computer and could not experience fear or anxiety.   
“Well, why didn’t you say so?”   
If an eye roll could be heard, it would be a blaring siren in Tony’s ears.  
Tony made a signal with his hands that JARVIS picked up as the ‘get a suit ready because this is could go south’ sign, then sat back down in his chair and waited for the intruder to come to him.

When the door swung open Tony was, for the first time in his life, completely and utterly speechless. Loki, God of Mischief and Leather Suits, the man- the God responsible for nearly destroying New York, Thor’s adopted brother and all around _villain_ , was stood in the doorway, a jagged gash down his side and clearly in need of immediate medical attention. His blood was darkening the green of his armour, like a shadow swelling out through the cloth. Tony couldn't think of what to say, so just stood there with his mouth gaping open, as if that would heal Loki's wound.   
"Stop gaping you blundering _idiot_ and help me." His voice was filled with venom, but the threat was lost with his weak and failing voice. Living up to the insult, Tony blundered forward to support the swaying God, who collapsed into his support. Tony dragged him to the cleanest work bench he could find and pushed him onto it, which was easier said than done, for Loki was significantly heavier than he looked. When he was finally in a place on which he could get a better look at the wound, Tony contemplated calling Bruce to come and help him, seeing as he had absolutely no idea how to use first aid on a human, let alone a god.   
"Get my armour off" Loki hissed through gritted teeth, clearly trying to keep himself calm. Tony did has he was told, despite the difficulty of breaking through leather. After many failed attempts to remove the armour, Tony attacked at it with a knife until it finally came loose. Loki was now lying on a cold, metal table completely shirtless and positively grey from the loss of blood.   
"There is a dagger in my side, remove it so I can heal myself." Loki instructed and Tony all but fainted at the thought. He had never been a fan of injuries, despite the copious amount of injuries he had sustained. With a muttered apology to Loki and a deep breath, Tony began to feel around the wound for any sign of a dagger. Finally, after what seemed like hours of rooting around in a God's side, his fingers brushed the hilt of a dagger, slick with blood. He grabbed it and pulled, tuning out Loki's hisses of pain until it was fully removed. He dropped it on the table next to him and stood back, watching Loki do his work. He had placed his pale and shaking hand over the wound and began to mutter something that Tony could not understand, from a language he was certain was not from Earth. From his hand, a warm glow surrounded the wound, swirling in intricate patterns before dying down and leaving bloody, but closed skin.   
For the second time in his life, Tony was left speechless. He had managed to keep his mouth closed this time, but still couldn't fathom a single word to say in reply to such an amazing display of magic. After a good 3 minutes of staring, Tony finally found some words.   
"Would you...uh...like a drink?" He said slowly, the memory of the last time he had asked this particular god that particular question burning through his mind.   
"Something strong, none of that pathetic liquid you call _beer_." Loki said, his voice slowly returning to its normal bitter tone.   
Tony obliged and walked slowly over to the drinks cabinet, taking out the strongest and most expensive scotch he had. Pouring them both a large glass (Tony knew he probably needed the whole bottle after what had just happened) and handed Loki his drink, wary and suspicious, as though he might grab the dagger that had been in his side and stab Tony with it (he wouldn't put it past Loki to do that). Loki took the glass from him and downed the amber liquid in one, licked his lips and smirked, his eyes practically screaming _‘Are you impressed yet, Stark?’._ Tony drank his own drink, placing the empty glass on the workbench.   
“So, you are really that alone, huh?” Tony partly whispered, the realisation dawning on his tongue. When Loki looked at him blankly, Tony elaborated.   
“I mean, you could have asked anyone to help you, yet you come to one of the _Avengers_ \- who you threw out of a window- for help. Doesn’t really make sense to me.”   
Loki contemplated his words before answering.   
“The universe is a lonely place. In order to not succumb to the madness that resides in us all, we must seek out those who are similar to us. However much you want to deny it and loathe as I am to admit it, we are similar. We both do not want to be labelled as a hero or a villain, we both have been cast out by those we thought loved us. Granted, we have our differences, but I knew that you would be the one mortal in this forsaken realm that might understand.” Loki’s voice was quiet, unlike the way he spoke at the Battle of New York. It was…comforting. And for some unknown reason, Tony sympathised with him.   
“Yeah…we have our similarities I suppose. Ok, how about this. You tell me what happened to get a dagger in your side, and I won’t call S.H.I.E.L.D on your ass, deal?” Tony asked.   
Loki looked like he could have killed Tony, but nodded anyway.   
“I was in S.H.I.E.L.D custody, as I assume you know. They had sentenced be to death, a reasonable sentence, but I wasn’t quite ready for that. So I escaped in a rather…dramatic manner. Involving a lot of dead agents and magic. Happy?” Loki smiled at Tony, clearly pleased with his escapades.   
“Oh no. I want details. S.H.I.E.L.D may think I am one of their pawns, but I can’t say I don’t enjoy hearing how they get their ass kicked.”   
Loki sighed before continuing.   
“They thought they had suppressed my magic, but it had not worked entirely. I needed a few days to build up enough to be able to escape, and so I let them believe I was struggling. Let me make this clear, I was not. So, when the time came I left my cell and killed my guards. Not an unjustified action, I might add. They spat in my food. A few explosions later, I teleported away and they were left scratching their heads.” Loki smirked, proud of himself. And for the first time in too long, Tony laughed, despite the situation, despite the macabre humour, despite the fact that he had a freaking _God_ in his workshop. After he had stopped laughing like a psychopath, Tony continued.   
“That still doesn’t explain why you are _here_.” Tony prompted.   
Loki looked slightly crestfallen at that, as if he had thought that Tony would ignore that pressing question and let him be. It took him a few moments to answer.   
“Stark, you should know that there are certain…customs on Asgard, involving apology and reparation. They may not apply to you, but it would not be right for me to go without honouring them.” Tony was confused again, just when he was beginning to understand. He gestured with his hands for Loki to go on.   
“After nearly destroying your tower, and using it without your permission, tradition states that I-as you Midgardians would put it- _owe you one._ ” Loki did not look Tony in the eye, a clear sign that he did not want to do this almost as much as Tony didn’t.   
“Ok,” Tony said after an eternity of silence, “I have a god in my debt. Cool. Right. I suppose I can’t ask you to never attack Earth again, can I?”   
“You could, but –and you have no reason to trust me- taking over Midgard is not at the top of my priorities now, so your request would be obsolete.”   
For some stupid reason, Tony was going to trust Loki. He didn’t know why (come on, he was the _god of freaking lies_ ) but he was going to anyway.   
“Okay then. I need your help,” the idea was forming in Tony’s head as he spoke, “I am trying to study, uh, magic. And neither I nor JARVIS have the capabilities for that. So, my request is that I study you. S.H.I.E.L.D won’t know you’re here, JARVIS will delete all the footage, and you get to spend more time with me, which clearly you want to do.” Tony smirked as Loki made a face.   
Loki agreed to Tony’s terms, keeping his face neutral. Now was one of those moments when he was so glad that he was a good liar. He always got what he wanted. Tony had just, unknowingly, agreed to an arrangement…of sorts.


	2. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony begins his tests...  
> Sorry that this is such a short chapter, but it had been so long since I started this that I felt I owed you a chapter :)

Loki had left after they shook hands (and copious amounts of awkward eye contact) leaving Tony to draw up some basic plans of what he needed to test.  He would need to study the energy signatures of different types of magic so that he would be able to program JARVIS to be on the defence once detected. He would need to study the effects at molecular level on objects that have been touched by magic, and he would need to ask Loki what, if anything, he can do to protect against it. 

It had been 2 weeks since Loki had left him in his workshop, and Tony was beginning to wonder if there was anyway of contacting him. It’s not like he had a cell phone, for all Tony knew he may not even be on Earth any more. He was starting to think that maybe it had all been some sort of sleep-deprived hallucination, that Loki was never there and that he had never pulled a dagger out of his abdomen. All of his suspicions of insanity on his part were shredded when it hit the 2 weeks without Loki mark. He had been working in his lab, when JARVIS announced that there was an intruder. Tony had told JARVIS that if Loki were to ever return, then JARVIS should not call him by his name but simply the  'intruder'.  Not only did it sound plain awesome, but if anyone was in his workshop when it was announced (unlikely), then they would not know who the intruder was, giving Tony some time to cover for Loki. He really hoped it would not come to that. 

"It's about time you showed up, where've you  bee \- crap, Loki! What the hell happened?" Tony exclaimed when Loki limped into the workshop, his leg dragging out behind him, reminding Tony briefly of a zombie before he internally slapped himself and ran over to help him.    
"It is nothing that time cannot heal." Loki grimaced slightly and staggered over to the workbench, resting slightly against the cold metal. He didn't look as close to death as he did last time he came to the workshop, but he still didn't look good. Purple blossomed over his pallid skin and vivid red spilled over his face. He looked as if he had just come out of a brawl, not designed to kill him but just to annoy him greatly.    
"You  wanna explain that or should we get on with...this." He gestured wildly with his hands, unsure of what he actually wanted to gesture.    
"I do not wish to speak of it. Let us just finish this so that we can go our own ways sooner." Loki smirked, annoying Tony greatly. He sighed, instructing JARVIS to prepare himself to  gather data.    
When JARVIS announced his preparations were complete, after 4 minutes of awkward silence, Loki spoke up.    
“What would you have me do?” Loki leered, challenging Tony to prove his intelligence. It was only  then that Tony had even considered what he needed Loki to do. He knew that he needed to collect energy signatures and work out the different types of magic that he could defend himself against, but he didn’t have the slightest clue of where to start. He didn’t want to show a weakness to Loki that he could single out and use to his advantage, so Tony was vague.    
“Right, I need you to pretty much show me the different types of magic. Split them into sections, if you want. Teleportation ; we know you can do that. What other things can you do?” Tony busied himself with preparing simple things that he and Loki knew that JARVIS could do for him, but Tony didn't want to have another session of awkward eye contact.    
"I could show you some simple energy pulses, much like the ones produced from your armour. I can change my appearance also, there are many other illusions and tricks that I can perform that any attacking mage would be  loathe to implement." Loki said, surprising Tony with his compliance. He had been expecting refusal to help, arguments, an  all-out war.  He still had a long time to go, he reminded himself.    
Tony directed Loki to an area in which JARVIS could get clear readings and instructed him to  "Do your thing" .  Loki had not told him which ‘ thing’  he would perform, always a lover of mischief. He positioned himself as Tony had instructed and promptly began to shift his shape into that of none other than  Tony Stark . The real Tony stark could not help but draw breath in shock, stepping away from the doppelgänger like it had the plague.    
“Y-You…you…what? That is…uncanny! It’s incredible! ” Tony studied his twin with intensity, as if he were trying to find fault in Loki’s magic .    
“This is but a simple illusion, Stark. Do not think that this is the best I can do. I promise you, I can do far greater things.” Loki boasted, he was never one to pass up a chance to boast.   
Tony continued to study Loki's magic, Loki continued to boast, everything seemed... normal.  Despite this being the oddest situation that both men had ever been in, it seemed like they had been doing this for years. Neither could place why they felt so comfortable in each other's presence, Tony put it down to a mid-life crisis, Loki insisted to himself it was magical interference with his mind. 

Loki got down from the raised platform on which he was stood, planning on leaving . He only half-realised that he could just teleport away, not saying a word.    
"What are you doing?" Tony asked, looking up from his data with a disappointed look in his eyes.    
"I planned on leaving, Stark. Surely you will not pine after my presence?" Loki smirked, but the meaning was lost to him. Tony's eyes hardened, as if he had remembered who Loki was and why he hated him.    
"No, if any one will be pining, it's  gonna be you." Tony's eyes narrowed and Loki nearly laughed.    
He waved his hand dismissively and disappeared, leaving Tony blinking at empty air.


	3. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party, some destruction, a lot of confusion.

The next time Loki graced Tony with his presence was at a rather inopportune moment for the inventor. Pepper had finally coerced him into attending one of the balls held by Stark Industries once a year, a dull thing that Pepper usually attended on behalf of him. However, this fateful night, Pepper was rather disgustingly ill.  
“Look Tony, I know you don’t want to go, but it would be good for the shareholders and the members to actually _see_ you once in a while?” Pepper had said, her voice warped by the revolting cold.  
“Pep, your face is good enough, no, actually it’s better,” As soon as the words had left Tony’s mouth he regretted them, “Fine. But only because you’re ill.”  
Tony was rather glad he had agreed.

Up until Loki showed up, Tony was incredibly bored. He lent against the bar, trying to drown his boredom in Scotch. Sure, he could pick up a girl, but ever since Pepper he had been rather less dependent on his one-night stands. Being with Pepper, no matter how brief the time, had shown him that he needed far more than the immediate gratification his previous lifestyle had awarded him, but the delayed and then ever-lasting indulgence that came hand in hand with a relationship.  
He was just reaching his fourth Scotch when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Tony turned to see what the bartender wanted, but found her on the other side of the bar, nowhere near close enough to tap him. He turned the other way, hoping to see a business partner or someone interesting, and upon finding no one who looked like they wanted to talk to him, Tony decided that all of the Loki business was sending him loopy. That was, until, he felt something brush his ear.  
Now he was starting to feel a bit freaked out. Someone must have been messing with him, some 20 year old intern who had managed to sneak her way into the ball to cause mischief for Tony. _Mischief_...no, Tony thought, it _couldn’t_ be.

It was.

In the corner of the room was a tall, pale figure, dressed in a sharp suit with a green scarf. He had blond hair, unlike Loki, but the face was similar enough to recognise him if you were looking for him. Tony sighed dramatically, hoping someone had heard that masterpiece of a sigh, and nonchalantly strolled across the room (well, as nonchalantly as one could be when walking up to a gate-crashing super-villain).   
“Hello, Stark.” Loki’s smooth, cultured voice sounded misplaced in the party atmosphere.  
“What the _hell_ are you doing here?” Tony spoke through his teeth, trying desperately to not raise his voice and as such raise alarm to Loki.  
“Oh, well, I was passing by and happened to hear the… _wonderful_ music coming from this hall. I had no idea that it was _your_ ball.” Loki smirked, and something told Tony that Loki had a pretty good idea of whose ball it was.  
“And you thought you’d what? Skulk in a corner until you blew us up? Grab a dance with pretty lady?” Tony was getting angrier by the second, his heart beating erratically and knocking against his ribs.  
“Actually,” Loki drawled, grabbing Tony’s wrist, “I thought I would ‘grab a dance’ with you.” He winked at Tony who blinked back in utter disbelief. Tony tried to say something, but his mouth was agape and didn’t really want to form any words. Before he could string a coherent sentence together, Loki dragged Tony to the dance floor, the bright, coloured lights disguising him well.  
“What sort of dancing did you have in mind?” Tony asked and immediately wanted to curl into a ball and tell JARVIS to shut down the company and his suits. His voice was far too flirty than he had meant for it to be. It was not an offer, he told himself, it was supposed to be sarcasm.  
“Well, the music, if you could even call it that, is a little out of my taste.” With an over-exaggerated click of his fingers that Tony was certain was unnecessary and was only there to freak him out, the music changed to a slow waltz. The lights slowed their frantic stream of colour, dimming down to a low light.

Tony was in complete and utter disbelief. Loki, his sworn enemy, destroyer of his Tower, harbinger of destruction for New York, had put Tony’s hand on his waist and was urging on a slow dance. _No, no, no, no, no, no, no,_ was all Tony could think but his body didn’t seem to react. Instead, he danced with the enemy.

He should have been annoyed that Loki had completely dominated him, that he had not pulled away and demanded Loki leave, that he had not done what any normal sane person would have. Rather, he was too shocked to feel anything other than the rhythm his heart was beating out for reasons other than anger.  
“I expected you to be a far worse dancer,” Loki smirked, “But you have pleasantly surprised me. Come, Stark, close your mouth and enjoy yourself.” For some unknown reason, Tony obliged. He took a quick scan of the room and noticed that they were not the only people dancing. That quelled the heat that had flowed to his cheeks partially. He was not worried of the questions that dancing with a man would raise, his sex-life was already under such scrutiny that the entire world knew of his previous sexual exploits with men.  
When Tony finally found his words again, he was surprised at what came out.  
“You look good in a suit.” If somebody could have shot him in the head, then would have been the perfect moment.  
“Thank you.”  
“You’re supposed to say I look good now, you know, return the compliment.” Tony hinted. If he could just turn this into a joke, then everything would work out.  
“You look absolutely _ravishing_.” Loki winked, causing Tony’s cheeks to colour significantly. He prayed the room was dark enough that Loki couldn’t see it. The smile on his face begged to differ.  
“Look, Loki, I am sort of freaked out right now, I mean, what if someone see’s you?” Tony said quietly, making sure to keep his voice low enough that only Loki would hear it.  
“Would it be better if we went somewhere more… _private?_ ” Loki breathed and Tony nearly died. _What_ was he doing, dancing with his sworn enemy? _Why_ _was he not complaining_? He nodded faintly ( _why why why why why why why why why_ ) and allowed Loki to lead him away from the crowd of swaying people.  
Loki led him out to the back of the building, a shadowy spot that would hide them well. It was a warm summery night, the skies were clear and the moon was bright and it all seemed so damn _romantic_. Tony cursed himself internally for even thinking it, but still allowed himself to be directed. He could so easily be stabbed by Loki now, no one would find him until at least the morning and Loki would be long gone. Tony pushed that train of thought to the back of him mind, he really hoped it wouldn’t lead to his untimely demise.  
“This is…uh…very private.” Tony managed, all coherent thought disappearing at the sight of Loki leaning against the wall ( _really attractive, oh god, he is gorgeous_ ). Loki nodded at him, the smirk still firmly stuck on his face, like he thought he was victorious for having rendered the genius inventor stupid. He pushed himself off the wall ( _really graceful, how is he so tall and graceful_ ) and made his way over to where Tony was stood. He was so close to him now that Tony was sure he would hear his erratic breathing.  
“Stark,” Loki breathed the word, so quiet and intimate, “What do you want?” Tony was pretty sure he wanted Loki to move away, but only pretty sure because he wasn’t particularly averse to having Loki pressed up against him.  
If he could have spoken, Tony wouldn’t have trusted himself not to say Loki’s name. Instead, he kept his mouth shut, trying to hold onto the last bit of control he had left.  
“Do you want me?” Loki whispered. Tony swallowed audibly, causing the wide smirk on Loki’s face to grow ever wider. He couldn’t stop himself from nodding. Loki leaned in even further, touching their foreheads together. Tony’s mind was fogging, he couldn’t even think about what he was doing, he was not aware of his hands on Loki’s shoulders.

Abruptly, a huge force knocked them down, all heat and glass and broken building. The explosion had come from the hall and the screams and cries from within shattered Tony’s already broken eardrums. Tony looked accusatorily at Loki, who put up his hands innocently. Normally, Tony would not have believed him, but when Loki offered his hand to Tony to help him up, his suspicions were broken.  
“Do you have any idea who did this, Loki?” Tony had to shout over the din from the hall.  
“I promise you, if I had known this would happen I would not have come to the epicentre.” Loki’s eyes were hard and determined.  
Tony called JARVIS and got him to send a suit over, whilst Loki began to usher the people around him to safety. When the suit finally arrived, Tony moved huge chunks of debris out of the way with his repulsors, and set to work finding and helping survivors. Loki followed him into the destroyed building, casting some sort of shield that protected him from the abundant fires and falling debris. The amount of dead bodies was astounding. It had been a huge explosion and judging by JARVIS’s diagnostics, it had been set off from underneath the dance floor. Barely any one could survive that.  
He was contemplating calling the Avengers in when he saw something that completely astounded him. Not only was Loki helping survivors out, but he was _healing_ them. He was hunched over a woman who was covered in blood, her arm twisted in a disgusting fashion. Soft, gold light spread out from his hold on the woman’s arm, leaving behind closed wounds and healed bones. The woman, crying hysterically, thanked Loki before fleeing the scene. When Loki had finished with her, he simply moved on to find more survivors.  
Tony wanted to go over and talk to him about it, but his priority was to get the survivors to safety. He searched and searched through the rubble, using the suit’s strength to move huge pieces of concrete out of the way, but all he could find was dead body after dead body. He recognised them too, only vaguely, but he was sure he had seen most of these people at the rare meeting he attended, or at the office. A pang in his heart told him that he was responsible for these deaths, that if it weren’t for him these people would be at home, asleep in their beds and thoroughly alive. He realised he would have to give up eventually, once he had lifted every single piece of debris up, once he had checked for a pulse on every damn body. He didn’t though. He double checked every single corpse, despite JARVIS insisting that there were no more survivors. He picked up chunks of debris that he knew he had put there himself, despite JARVIS telling him that he could sense no bodies with his scanners. He kept pacing and pacing and pacing, pausing only to blow up a chunk of concrete with his repulsors.  
“Stark?” Loki’s voice sounded behind Tony, loud and worried as if he had been calling his name for weeks with no answer. Tony turned to look at him, removing his face plate and revealing his tear stained cheeks.  
“It’s my fault.” Tony said simply, his voice small and broken, a disbelieving smile on his lips. He thought he had stopped being responsible for so many deaths, and this brought his toll far too high.  
“It is whoever caused the explosion’s fault, not yours, not theirs.” Loki’s voice was strong amidst all of the destruction, as if he had had to give this speech to someone else before.  
“I can’t believe this happened, Loki.” Tony found himself saying to dead air what had more than one meaning.  
Loki had disappeared into the night, leaving Tony sat in the destruction of a building, of his mind and of his morals.


	4. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get rather heated for Tony and Loki...  
> Special thanks to angelmoose who helped write this with me, you're a star :)

From the moment that Loki left the destroyed man in the destroyed building he knew that something had changed. He had begun this arrangement as a distraction, or so he told himself, and now it had become so much more than that. Loki was actually _feeling_ something, just when he had begun to think that he had condemned himself to a life of jealousy, hatred, anger and insanity. He was feeling _positive_ things. And that scared him in every way, truly terrifying himself to his blackened, shrivelled soul. He was so used to feeling negative, wanting to kill everyone he saw and generally just feeling vengeful. But now his heart was beating in a fluttery fashion, more akin to an adolescent girl than the hardened mage he was.   
Seeing Stark break down like he had made Loki realise the intentions he had, that he had not been previously aware of. He only wanted distraction from his damaged mind to begin with, yet now he felt like he _cared_ about Stark.   
He was sat atop a throne of his own design, a throne made of bone and leather and metal and mortal flesh, a throne he thought he had wanted, a throne he now knew he hated. And how desperately he wanted to descend from his perpetual and cursed royalty, succumb to the fate the universe had planned for him. But he couldn't, he could never leave his position of power without destroying everything he had sacrificed so much for. And he wasn't sure he was willing.   
Stood on the balcony of Stark Tower, waiting to see if Stark had made it back in one piece, Loki shrunk into the dark recesses of his mind. To memories and thoughts and dreams of a man long gone, of who he used to be. A pang of regret was shortly followed by a stab of anger at his pathetic and utterly _mortal_ thoughts. His fists clenched, turning the pale skin of his hands positively white hot. How could he be thinking such things? He was Loki, God of Lies and Mischief, and here he was getting emotional over a mortal.   
His question was answered when Stark walked into his penthouse. Loki cast a quick glamour to remain hidden and silent and allowed himself to walk into Stark’s home, needing to take a closer look. Unsurprisingly, Stark had found his way straight to his bar and poured himself a large drink. After close inspection, Loki was satisfied that Stark had no flesh wounds, his skin was unmarred and clean, if not a little sweaty. Looking closer though, Loki saw the eyes of a broken man, of a man who has seen that which he cannot erase from his mind. They were red-rimmed with dried tears and his breaths were shaky. Loki felt pity and respect and admiration all at once and was immediately overwhelmed. So overwhelmed, in fact, that he lost his glamour.   
Stark jumped backwards at the sudden appearance of the god, surprisingly agile for someone trying to drown their sorrows in scotch.   
“Uh, little warning next time would be nice?” Stark stuttered, regaining his breath.   
“I am sorry, Stark.”   
Both men thought that meant more than being sorry for making Stark jump.   
“It’s uh, no big deal,” Stark said, noticing the strange, pained look on Loki’s face, “I’m okay.”

More double meanings.

“I do not think you are, Stark,” Loki said, cocking his head to one side, “You do not look okay.”   
“Since when did you care.” Stark stated, his words slurred ever so slightly.   
He made a strong point, Loki thought, a point he could not counter.   
“Stark,” Loki said sincerely, “You cannot deny what happened tonight, before the attack. You were clearly… _aroused_.” Loki could barely hide his smirk.   
"I'm not denying it, I'm just choosing to ignore it." Stark stated plainly, clearly wanting to be done with the topic.   
"Unfortunately, Stark, I am not." Loki had approached Stark, standing dangerously close to the inventor.   
"Uh, good for you," He swallowed audibly again, eliciting a triumphant smirk from Loki, "Can I, uh, would it be rude if I backed away?"   
"Terribly rude." Loki whispered in Stark's ear, his breath sending shivers through Stark's body.   
"Would it be wrong if I didn't?" Stark's voice was but a whisper, clearly too scared to speak above his tone.   
"Very wrong." Loki muttered, all self-control gone from his mind. He put his lips to Stark's ear,  nipping and biting and making Stark moan ever so slightly.   
Loki pushed Stark back, who was compliant and malleable in his arousal, and began to kiss him. Violently, hungrily, desperately he let his hands roam through Stark's hair. Stark leaned into his touch, wandering hands on Loki's chest, a silent plea for more. Loki did nothing to disappoint. The kiss deepened, and even Loki couldn't hold back his desperate moans.

He slipped his hands down Starks back feeling the muscles twitch under his palms. Stark dropped his head back and moaned. Loki captured Starks lips with his own and felt his own arousal growing. Stark clung onto him, hands splayed through his silky, black hair.

Loki slipped his hands further down, reaching around to grasp Starks ass, he squeezed and Stark jumped forward pressing himself closer to Loki. Grinning Loki trailed kisses down Starks jawbone, coming to a halt below his ear. "What do you need Stark?" he whispered, voice rough. Stark just moaned as Loki nibbled on his earlobe.

Loki pulled back and observed Stark, his face was flushed and his eyes were squeezed shut. His mouth was still open in a silent moan. Loki skimmed his hands down Starks toned arms, slipping across his hands to grasp Starks hips. He yanked him closer and breathed into his ear. Loki began to kneel, gliding his hands further down Starks neatly pressed suit trousers.

Loki gazed up at Stark through his lashes meeting his lust filled brown eyes with his own green ones. Stark stared down at him, eyes wide, chest rising and falling heavily.

"What are you doing?" Starks voice was a soft breathy whisper. He couldn't believe what was happening. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. He just stared at the Norse God on his knee's before him.

Loki pressed forward, massaging Starks thighs. He chuckled darkly and drag his hand agonisingly slow over the bulge in Starks trousers. "Well...seems I was right." He bent forward, Stark held his breathe.

 "Sir?" JARVIS' clear, sharp British accent echoed through the apartment.   
"Not...now." Stark muttered in between panting breaths.   
"But sir? You have a visitor who I am sure would not want to catch you in such a...compromising position." JARVIS said, plainly but with that hint of sass that made Loki rather respect the machine.   
"Shit." Stark exclaimed as he jumped up, running over to a mirror in an attempt to make himself look half decent.   
"Computer? Who is Stark's visitor?" Loki asked, looking warily up at the ceiling.   
"Miss Pepper Potts, sir."

Loki did not know who that was, but the expression on Stark's (rather flustered) face was enough to tell him that he did not want to be found like that. Loki redid his glamour, making him invisible once more, as Stark instructed JARVIS to let her in.   
"Tony?" Pepper cried, running over to hug Stark. It was only then that Loki remembered what had taken place before he and Stark had _involved_ themselves.   
"I'm fine, Pep, really I'm okay. I'm not hurt, I had my suit." _And some help_ , Loki thought, rather bitterly.   
"They couldn't find you at the hall, I kept asking the firemen but none of them had seen you. I thought," She paused to take a deep breath, "I thought you were dead."   
"You know me, Pep. Not even a gang of terrorists could kill me." He rubbed her back, calming her hysterical sobs. Loki couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy.   
"I'm sorry, Pep, if I scared you. I should have called you immediately." _But he was a bit distracted_ , Loki thought smugly.   
"It should have been me." Pepper whispered into Stark's now wet shoulder. Stark hushed her with a tighter hug. Loki felt nearly ill with all of the sentiment, so began to silently pace the room.   
After nearly ten minutes, Pepper pulled away from Stark, muttering her thanks and her goodbyes. They waited until JARVIS confirmed Pepper was off-premises and that no other intruders were lurking nearby. When JARVIS gave his confirmation, Stark walked over to the now revealed Loki.   
“That was a close one,” he said, pulling Loki into a kiss, “Now, where were we?”


	5. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...hi there...  
> I am literally the most apologetic person in the universe right now. I have been so busy with my exams that I have had no time whatsoever to upload. But finally, an update! Yay!  
> I also want to thank you heartily for reading this, I am amazed at the welcome this has received and I love you all a lot because reasons :)  
> Advance warning, it's short. But I thought a little chapter was better than none at all, so here it is.  
> Also, advance apology, I tried to stop what happens, but you know how characters get when they run wild...

Tony woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, alone in his bed. He was sore all over, turned out having sex with a god can be quite rough. He rolled over in his bed hoping to see the inflictor of his pain, but upon finding his bed empty he asked JARVIS for the whereabouts of Loki.  
"Mr Loki left the premises at approximately 5:48 AM this morning, sir." JARVIS had replied.  
"And you didn't bother to tell me?" Tony asked, rather too heatedly for his current state.  
"He did not seem to have any malicious intent, sir. I apologise if I have caused you discomfort." JARVIS replied, although Tony didn't think he meant it. He waved him off and (painfully) got out of bed, dressing himself for the day. He was thoroughly pissed off at the god. How could he have just up and left after that night?  
He realised about an hour later how hypocritical he was being. The amount of times he had left a one-night stand ( _wait-did that make him a one night stand?)_ in bed was uncountable. It hurt slightly, but he knew it would probably be better for his sanity, for the sake of the earth, if Loki never came back. On the other hand, it might be hugely detrimental for his sanity. It was a 50/50 sort of thing.  
He walked into the lounge, half-eaten apple in hand. Sprawling across his couch, he turned on the news, hoping to see something good for once.

Alas, Tony never got a day off.

“After the explosion at the annual Stark Ball last night, billionaire Tony Stark is under scrutiny as to the safety of his company. The explosion killed 30 people and injured 204, raising questions as to how safe Tony Stark rea-“

Tony could not stand another second of it. He switched it off and walked over to the balcony, needing fresh air to quell his anger at the world. He needed to find out who had done this and why it happened when Loki arrived. It couldn’t be a coincedence. Sure, Loki might not have _actively_ set off a bomb, but he might have drawn attention to himself since his escape, and he sure as hell had a few enemies out there.  
Looking out over the recovering New York, Tony felt a swell of pride underneath the knot of emotions resting on his lungs. It had not taken long after the invasion for the New Yorkers to get back on their feet and rebuild themselves. Even now, the people of the city strived away, optimism practically radiating off the city. With a silent chuckle, Tony turned to head back inside.

And walked straight into Loki.

“What the hell? What are you doing here?” Tony asked, feeling the anger rise once more.  
“I still have a deal to upkeep. Or have you forgotten our arrangement?” Loki said, the usual mocking tone of his voice creeping in.  
“No, you know what? I don’t even care about that anymore. I have bigger fish to fry.” Tony said, pushing past Loki and walking inside.  
“Oh? You seemed to care a lot about that last night.” Loki smirked, and _god_ Tony just wanted to rip it off his face.  
“Yeah, well, I can’t really afford the distraction right now, ok? I need to find out about the explosion and I need to make whoever did it _pay_.” Tony was pretty impressed with how calm he sounded. But everyone knew that anger and calmness did not work well together.  
“I think I might be able to help you with that endeavour, Tony.” Loki stated slowly, as if proposing another deal. Tony didn’t miss the change in name, either.  
“Oh, did you not think this was useful information to tell me last night? Or were you too busy trying to manipulate me?” Tony all but screamed, the calm façade finally shattering rather spectacularly.  
“You did not seem… _stable_. I have seen the look that was on your face before, it was the look of a man who has had nearly everything destroyed. And is that all you think I was trying to do? _Manipulate_ you?” Loki, who had been avoiding eye contact the entire conversation, finally looked Tony in the eye, a silent plea of forgiveness.  
“I wouldn’t put it past you, _God of Lies_.” And, yeah, there was the jerk. It was clearly a sore topic for Loki, he flinched whenever anyone mentioned it. The look on his face was one of betrayal as he staggered backwards, looking as though he had just been shot.  
“You- I…That was not my intention. I tried- I wanted to- I just can never get it correct, can I?” Loki stumbled over his words and finished with a sad smile, clear and defined tears pricking his eyes.

That was not what Tony wanted to happen. Loki was sat leaning against one of the couches looking thoroughly wounded. Tony knelt beside him and reached to put a hand on his shoulder, but Loki moved away from him and got up in one swift move.  
“Do not _touch_ me, you insolent mortal. How _dare_ you?” His voice echoed through the room, loud and piercing.

Tony was left cursing empty air.


	6. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's this? An update?   
> I am literally so sorry for the lack of updates, but for the British among you you might understand that I am doing my GCSEs right now, so I am kind of busy.   
> However, never fear, for I only have 2 more weeks until I am all clear! That means I have plenty of time to write more chapters and to upload.   
> Again, this chapter is quite short but I felt I owe you all a chapter. I swear next time it will be lovely and long :)  
> Also slight warning, this chapter might be a bit triggering for some people, so bear that in mind.   
> Also...angst. I am sorry.

A month passed. Tony received more and more criticism. Pepper got more and more frustrated with the endless press conferences and meetings. And nobody got any closer to discovering the perpetrator of the attack. As loathe as Tony was to ask for help, he did inquire with S.H.I.E.L.D about why no search was being undertaken. If inquire means have a shouting match and S.H.I.E.L.D. means Fury. A part of Tony was glad that Fury did not want to help; whilst it meant he would receive no _legal_ access to their systems, it did mean that it would be that much easier to keep Loki a secret.

He was thoroughly pissed off with Loki. He had acted unreasonably, leaving Tony with no information. One word was all Tony would have needed, he just would like to know he was safe and not cooped up in some dark cell in a forgotten corner of a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. Even if he was just some pawn in Loki’s game, just a distraction from his messed up world, Tony did care about Loki. It was partly that realisation that made him say what he said the day Loki left. He had been known to make some interesting choices in life, but a _god_ , an insane one at that, was definitely not his usual direction.  
“JARVIS, what’s it look like out there?” Tony asked, his voice quiet, not holding its former confidence.   
“If you meant the current state of affairs, sir, then all is quiet. However, I can bring up the weather forecasts for the surrounding area if necessary.” JARVIS replied, his slick English accent never waning.   
“It’s ok, J.” Tony made a noncommittal gesture with his hand and continued his daily pace of his workshop. He was so _bored_. All of his attempts to find the culprits of the attack had returned fruitless, and he was simply running out of ideas. He had thoroughly investigated each of his leads, none of which produced any information. He was stuck. But he was not about to give up. He was a _genius_ for god’s sake! Surely he could come up with something.

He racked his brains for the best part of 3 hours, his pace around the room never slowing. Frustrated, he threw the tool he had been using to keep his hands occupied at the wall, making a dent in the plaster. That just annoyed him even more. Looking down at his chest his eyes fell on the familiar blue light of the arc reactor, and never in his life had he hated himself more. Why was he so goddamned _stupid_? If it wasn’t for the arc reactor keeping his heart beating, none of this would have happened. The world would be 30 people heavier, and then some; his heart that much lighter.

_Make my heart that much lighter?_ Tony thought, _challenge accepted_.

Without a care for his well-being, Tony removed the arc reactor from his chest. He felt the familiar weight leave, feeling better in its absence despite the strain on his body.   
“Sir, I must inform you that your actions are dangerous and protocol states that I must contact Miss Potts imm-“   
“ _Shut up, JARVIS!_ ” Tony grimaced, speaking through his teeth as he altered his own life support system. He deactivated his emergency protocol so that JARVIS would not disturb him unless Tony explicitly asked him to. He could not have any distractions, this was delicate work. If something went wrong, it was suicide.

_Don’t you see? Everything that you are doing, it’s so self-destructive. One would think that you_ were _attempting suicide._

His inner voice sneered at him in his father’s tongue, depreciating, damaging, and destroying him. The sheen on his brow turned to beads, the sweat dripping down onto the workbench and leaving tear-stains. He pulled apart the reactor with shaky hands, rewiring the circuits until the blue glow flickered and fell.

“It’s not! I swear, I’m just making the burden lighter! Please…the weight in my chest…fix it…” Tony’s voice grew weaker, barely non-existent in his feverish thoughts. He rested his head on the cool workbench, feeling the cold metal seep into his skin to quench the flames in his mind. His eyes closed, the enveloping darkness greeting him like an old friend.

What happened next is fragmented in Tony’s mind, only brief moments of consciousness punctuating the black. All he can remember is a lot of pain, and a lot of green. And a whisper in his ear, like a cold breeze chilling his fevered head.

“ _Next time, I might not be there to save you.”_

 


	7. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I bet you just love me right now. An update within three days of the last one! I just couldn't not write it, I had so many ideas for how this was going to happen and I couldn't lose the motivation I had. Thanks to the amazing angelmoose for betaing this one, (you should definitely have a look at her stuff ;) )

If Loki was one of the Aesir, he might have been cold. The cave he had procured as his base was in the north of Midgard, a place called ‘ _Alaska_ _’_. It did not have the princely comforts he was used to, but it was remote and far enough away from Stark and the nonsense his ridiculous city brought upon the god, that Loki could clear his mind. The crisp air refreshed his mind, took away all the distractions and allowed him to just _think_.

If Loki was smarter, he might have been in one of the Halls on Asgard, enjoying the finest mead a Prince could buy. Instead, he was sulking in a cave. Even Loki had to admit defeat on that part. Somehow, his fate would rest on Midgard, pining over a mortal. How pathetic.

If Loki were without his senses, he might not have felt the overwhelming feeling of betrayal he felt when Stark said what he did, might not have seen the fear in his eyes when he realised what he had done to Loki, might not have tasted cold metal on his tongue. If only he were senseless, unable to feel and hear and taste the pure and utter _torture_ that Stark caused him.

As a child, Loki suffered from agonising nightmares of (ironically) abandonment. His mother, in an attempt to soothe him, had told him, _“Pain and Love are not always differentiable, my child. The hurt you feel in your heart is the sweetest agony there is.”_  
Loki chuckled humourlessly, in awe of how wise she really was. He caught himself, however, remembering his circumstances. Frigga was not there to hold him until he fell asleep, to soothe him from his nightmare. This was _real_ , the pain that wracked his body scorched him to the point that Loki frequently checked himself for external injury. It had reached the point of hysteria.

Sat in the darkest corner of the cave, head resting against the damp stone, Loki contemplated his options. The first option was to remain forever in this cave, or at least until S.H.I.E.L.D found him. That was not the option he would like to take, if at all possible. Second, return to Stark, apologise for his rash actions and continue their arrangement. Third, return to Asgard, be punished for his actions and face certain execution. None of the paths that lay before him were particularly appealing. Yet if what Frigga had said was true, then Loki’s choice should be clear.

If he was found by S.H.I.E.L.D, Fury would not hesitate to kill Loki on sight. Facing trial on Asgard would bring about a similar conclusion. To return to _Stark_ , however, was to return to an agony so sweet that it just might be bearable.

Loki rose, smoothing the creases in his clothes as he stood. He was scared, for the first time in his life. Returning to Stark meant denouncing the life he knew, changing his ways and his beliefs, rewriting his own personality. He was not entirely sure that he would be prepared to make that change, but the only way to find out would be to go to Stark and to measure both their reactions.

He felt the familiar change in pressure that came with teleportation and knew that there was no returning now.

It was strange to see how much change a man could go through in a month. Even the workshop, where it had all began for them, was a wreck. Tools were strewn across the workbenches without a care, there were holes in the wall and smashed glass on the floor, but the most broken thing in the room was the man, slumped over the workbench. Loki was preparing himself to make a witty retort to the mortal’s disrupted sleeping patterns, but the deathly pale shade of his skin made Loki’s stomach drop. In three swift steps, Loki was by Tony’s side, magic crackling at his fingertips.

The intriguing blue device that made its home in Tony’s chest was dismantled before its creator, no longer life-bringing. And the hole in Tony’s chest told Loki all he needed to know. He gathered the individual pieces of machine, holding them with care. He did not know what he actually needed to do with them, but he knew how to use magic. He could instruct the individual components to find where they were supposed to be, but he needed to be fast.

The green aura surrounded the pieces, pulsing and throbbing in the darkness. The light gathered the pieces of the arc reactor, combining them with haste but still with care. After barely a moment, the now assembled reactor fell into Loki's hand, slightly warm and still humming with the magic. Loki held Stark by the shoulders, gently pulling him back to give the god clear access to his chest. Inserting the arc reactor was instinctual, the machinery practically placing itself in the correct place. Visibly there was no significant change, but what had been a dying heart beat was becoming a strong thrum under Tony's skin.

If Tony's computer had any control over Loki's access to the bedroom, it had granted him passage. Carrying the mortal was no issue for the god, his inhuman strength clearly showing. He placed Tony on his bed before kneeling down beside him, putting his lips close to the inventor's ear.

" _Next time, I might not be there to save you"_ he breathed, having made up his mind. He would return to Tony, he knew he would, but in his unconscious state he would have no protection from S.H.I.E.L.D, and simply no reason to stay.

With one final parting look at the sleeping man, Loki left, a smile on his lips for the first time in a month.


	8. Acquiescence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, back with another update! I'm getting really fast with updating now, I hope you are all proud of me.   
> Before we start, I would like to confess my love for isadora who has commented loads and been really nice to me :)  
> I tried to make this chapter a bit happier after the angst of the last few chapters, but bear with me, it will all be better soon.

“Tony, wake up!” A soft voice extended a hand to pull Tony from the depths of his mind. He mumbled incoherently, turning on his side to try to sleep more.   
“Tony! Seriously, if you can hear me, please wake up!” The soft voice became frantic, and Tony felt his shoulders being shook. Tony had no choice but to wake up.   
“What do you want, Pep?” Because it could only be Pepper who would sound this worried, only Pepper who would actively search to wake him up. Tony opened his eyes a fraction, wincing in the bright light.   
“Lights to 40% please, JARVIS.” The AI complied, allowing Tony to open his eyes fully. “What happened, Tony? JARVIS called for me saying you were unwell.”  
“I, uh, had too much to drink. You know me, Pep, always drinking myself stupid.” Tony tried a laugh, but his headache was too much.

The look on Pepper’s face made Tony almost feel bad about keeping this secret from her. She was the only person in the world who he could trust with his life. But he couldn’t trust her with Loki’s, not yet.

“Okay, I’m not going to pry if you don’t want me to. Just, you know, be careful.” She sighed, kissing him on the forehead and turning to leave. Just as she reached the door, Tony spoke up.   
“I do want you to know, Pep. I just, you know, can’t.” He explained poorly, hoping she would understand.   
Pepper, glorious, forgiving Pepper, just smiled and nodded, walking out of the room without another word.

Sitting up slowly, Tony rubbed his face with his hands, trying to make sense of what he remembered. He knew he had been…off last night. Unhappy didn’t quite cover it. He knew that he had stupidly tried to make some adjustments to his arc reactor. But after that, the whisper was all he knew. It had to be Loki, he didn’t know who else could have saved him without an entire team of surgeons.

He swung his legs out of the bed, feeling his head throb at the sudden movement. Yawning, he walked over to the bathroom, his eyes still half shut. The chill in the air made him painfully aware of the nakedness of his upper body.   
_Strange,_ he thought, _I’m pretty sure I had all my clothes on last night.  
_ Looking down, he saw that the lower half of his body was clothed in a pair of comfortable tracksuit bottoms.   
_I was definitely wearing jeans last night._

But what did that mean? If Loki was indeed the one who saved him last night, then he had…undressed him. Not that Loki hadn’t seen Tony naked before, and not that Tony particularly minded, but in their circumstances, had he forgiven him?

“Hey, JARVIS, last night did you get any readings off our friendly visitor?” Tony asked, still not wanting to say Loki’s name aloud for fear of S.H.I.E.L.D.   
“I did indeed sir, however you have not given me the appropriate technology to interpret the data. May I suggest enlisting Dr Banner to provide you the enlightenment you require?” JARVIS replied, his tone neutral with the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Bring Bruce in on this? He would have to explain the circumstances, which would most likely lead to a hulk out, which would probably attract S.H.I.E.L.D attention, something he definitely did not need. But Bruce knew gamma. Sure, Tony could probably learn everything he needed in a night, but there was something enticing about having someone else know this huge secret, someone to hold this heavy weight with him. Ordinarily, that would have been Loki’s job, but Bruce could definitely fill in on that. Pulling out his phone, Tony called Bruce, asking him to come to Stark Tower as soon as he could, and that bringing a change of clothes and lots of tea may be advisable.

Two hours later, JARVIS announced the arrival of Dr Banner in the elevator.   
“You know, Tony, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like the conversation you want to have.” Bruce sighed as he got out of the elevator.   
“Hello to you too, grumpy.” Tony said childishly. Humour felt like the only way to get through this.   
After allowing Bruce to put his things away, Tony led him down to the Gym level. It was reinforced to handle superheroes, Thor and Steve had made dents in too many walls for Tony to take a risk.   
“If you wanted a gym buddy, I’m really not your guy.” Bruce said in his usual soft tone.   
“No no no, I _might_ need the reinforcement in the room.” Tony spoke cautiously, worried about prematurely setting the other guy free.   
Bruce looked sceptical, his eyes carefully guarded as he gestured for Tony to go on.   
“I need your expertise in some… _delicate_ work,” receiving only a sigh in response from Bruce, Tony continued, “I need to find Loki.”

The next couple of hours were very green, very loud and very destructive.

When Bruce finally emerged from the pile of dust and rubble that was the _reinforced gym_ , he had a small smile on his face.   
“Loki, huh? Is he a secret romantic then? Or just good in bed?” The knowing look on Bruce’s face infuriated Tony. He mouthed silent words until he could form a coherent sentence.   
“He, uh, was quite romantic. And very good in bed. Yeah…uh…don’t tell Fury? As much seeing that vein in his forehead pop would be quite amusing, it would make a bit of a mess.” Tony reverted back to his usual state; asking something serious in the form of a joke.   
“I wouldn’t do that to you Tony. Just, make sure you know what you’re doing.” Bruce smiled warily.   
“Yeah, I know exactly how to handle this.”

If there was a biggest lie in the world competition, Tony had just smashed all the opposition.


	9. Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So you will be glad to hear that MY EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER! Which means my summer holiday starts today. So to celebrate, I have a chapter for you all.  
> I swear, you will get some Tony/Loki interaction next chapter, but for now, enjoy!

In Asgard, scars meant strength. They proved your survival in battle, they represented the warrior you were. Yet to Loki, scars were just marred skin. They showed weakness, failures, and pain. Loki had bountiful scars. There was one in his side, from the dagger that Tony had pulled out after his escape. The blade had been poisoned to such an extent that his skin had been unable to stitch itself together as it normally would. There were a dozen scars on his lips, constant reminders of his home. They were pale, mere ghosts from his past, but they were potent enough to bring memories of a cruel home and cruel _friends_.

Tony had scars too, Loki could picture them when he closed his eyes. The image of the mortal naked beneath him, his skin pale and fractured, burned through Loki’s eyelids and leaving scars of their own. There was a multitude of mutilations on his body, from childhood accidents and battle alike. The most poignant of scars that Tony bore was his blue machine, a souvenir of his struggles, a constant in his chaos.

Loki could not just sit there wallowing and pining, he needed to help. He could not just wait for Tony to find out who attacked him, Loki needed to contribute to the search.

What Loki had tried to tell Tony before their… _altercation,_ was that Loki had the means to help Tony to see how it had happened that night, to view a snapshot of the night and delve into it. He would be able to find out who had done this to him, and more importantly, stop it ever happening again.

Loki was certain it had something to do with his presence. Tony certainly had his enemies, and it was far more likely that one of them was the perpetrator; yet Tony had followed every single one of those leads, and returned with no information. To look through the list of Loki’s enemies would take far too long; being a thousand year old god of Mischief, Lies and Chaos did have its disadvantages. It was clear to Loki that the place to start would be to look at those nearest the event, and those most immediate. But first, he needed to relive that most fateful of evenings.

* * *

 

“Search sequence initiated, sir. I should have the data you so require in 78 minutes 14 seconds.”  
“Brilliant, J, give yourself a pat on the back.” Tony quipped, looking up from where he was tweaking the HUD.  
“I, unfortunately, do not have a ‘back’, sir.” JARVIS smoothly replied, earning a soft chuckle from Bruce.  
Tony’s stomach was in knots. In just over an hour he would know Loki's whereabouts, thanks to Bruce and his extensive knowledge of gamma and radiation. He had provided data where Tony lacked, allowing Tony to update JARVIS’ systems to give him the ability to scan for Loki’s energy signatures. Tony knew that the HUD was near perfect, that there was no need to keep adjusting minor things, but this was his coping mechanism. If he could lose himself in the wires, the circuitry and the metal, then he could keep the dangerous thoughts at bay. His mind was focused on the electricity rather than Loki, wondering if he was safe, if he was injured, if he was alive. They were treacherous trains of thought indeed.

“Uh, Tony?” Bruce’s voice broke Tony’s stupor, “I think we have a match.”  
Tony shot up, practically running to the computers on which the search was taking place. After memorising the coordinates (not that he needed to, JARVIS could easily copy them, but he wanted to have that control) he straightened up, taking a deep calming breath.  
“Looks like we have a God to collect.”

* * *

  
 The scene that lay before Loki was not one he particularly wished to conjure up, nevertheless if it would help Tony, Loki would gladly relive the torture inflicted upon him by Thanos. The runes he cast in order to achieve the spell were unfamiliar, tasting of disease and dankness on his tongue. This was perilous magic, the kind that could drive a mage mad if used incorrectly. And Loki did _not_ want to encounter madness again.  
Before he could change his mind, Loki allowed the scene passage out from his mind and into the cave. It was merely a fragment of time, no more than a painting of what had been. But it was enough for Loki to delve in, to walk through, to deduce. As he stepped into the scene lain before him in that most lonely of caves, Loki spared no thought to himself, to the madness that lay in wait for his return. He instead thought of Tony, of the broken man he encountered that night, of their arrangement, of their passion. And the transition from reality to dream was no longer as painful as it should have been.

* * *

 

Of all the places Tony expected Loki to take shelter from, Alaska was certainly not one. It just didn’t seem very… _Loki_. The god of Mischief would surely have chosen a more, well, _populated_ area to hide. Somewhere he could interact with humans, somewhere he could blend in, somewhere _interesting_. Not that Alaska didn’t have its advantages; it was isolated, it was far from Tony, it was unexpected. Nonetheless, Tony was still surprised.  
When Tony’s jet landed as close as it could to the coordinates, only one of the two passengers disembarked. Tony, clad in his suit and bountiful under-layers, stepped off the plane almost gingerly, almost as if he expected the world to blow up due to the more than strange situation. Alas, as the red metal chilled in the snow, no explosions occurred. Bruce, on the other hand, had elected to stay on the jet, for fear that the ‘Other Guy’ may want to pay Loki a visit. Wishing the inventor luck, Bruce closed the door to the jet, forcing Tony to start his journey.

* * *

 

Loki’s head was throbbing, his lungs were burning, his limbs were beginning to shake from the exhaustion that maintaining the spell was causing him. He had to continue, had to find the bomb and those responsible, but after searching every inch of the hall Loki was about to give up. That was, until, he noticed something he had not even considered: a loose nail. It was in moments like these, that Loki realised just how observant one can be when at the peak of their desperation. A loose nail in such a well-kept hall would surely be out of place. Running as fast as his aching legs could carry him, Loki rushed to the nail, kneeling beside it and prying it open. The wooden floorboard came loose, flying up as though gravity no longer existed. And underneath was a room, with a small metal box and a familiar face. An unwelcome, familiar face.  
“Oh, I should have known it was you.” Loki sighed despite the pain in his throat.  
And that was when he was subjected to a rude (but still appreciated) interruption.

 


	10. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Finally, everyone's favourite hero / villain combo are to be reunited! And I promise, I will hold off the angst for a bit ;)  
> So enjoy this while it lasts!  
> Also sorry if this looks a bit lacking in formatting, I am uploading this via mobile and I can't do a lot. I just had to upload this though, so I hope it was worth the wait!

It had taken Tony far longer than he had expected to get to the coordinates where Loki was hiding. Even though he was flying, he had a lot of ground to cover; the jet could only get so far. Despite the numerous layers Tony wore beneath his suit, the freezing air still chilled him intensely. He would have to install some sort of heating system into the suit.  
“Sir, I am picking up intense readings of energy that match Loki’s signature.” JARVIS’ voice broke Tony’s contemplative silence.  
"Ok, great. He’s definitely alive then. Let’s just hope he isn’t fighting or something reckless like that.”   
“I assure you, sir, if I had fingers they would be crossed.” JARVIS quipped, forever impressing Tony with his wit.  
As he neared the coordinates, Tony drew closer to the snow-capped trees beneath him, coming within an inch of the tops. It was nearing sunset by that time, the weak evening sun only just making the snow glint. If the situation hadn’t been so urgent, Tony may have taken the time to appreciate it. But for now, he had to concentrate and try not to screw this up.  
The cave that held the coordinates did not look like the kind of abode Loki would normally choose, being a prince and all. Tony approached slowly, using the suit to his advantage. The cavernous opening emitted a faint green glow, a sure tell that Loki was using some form of magic in there. All the more reason for a cautious approach, Tony reasoned.  
So obviously, Tony was obnoxiously loud as he interrupted Loki’s seclusion.  
“Honey, I’m home!” He called tunefully into the green, squinting slightly in order to find Loki. After receiving no answer, he guardedly walked forwards, keeping his eyes focused on finding the God.   
“Okay, I know you like to play hard to get, Loki, but you seriously need to let me know that you are alive.” Tony called out again, hoping that his tone masked his worry.  
Walking further into the cave, Tony could feel his heart beat begin to raise from the steady thrum it had been to a shrill alarm within his chest. It wasn’t that he was afraid of caves, but they certainly didn’t make him feel comfortable after what had occurred some years prior. He had walked for a few feet before turning a corner and confronting quite a strange sight. Loki was staggering around the cave, muttering to himself and taking huge, gasping breaths. Tony did not miss how the god walked like he had to drag his limbs, or how his breathing was punctuated by wet coughs. His slow pace was interrupted as he attempted to run across the damp cave floor, nearly tripping over his own feet in his attempt at his usual swift grace. Falling to his knees, Loki looked close to tears in relief as he pawed at the stone cave floor, holding what was non-existent in his shaking hands and whispering something to himself. Tony knew it was time to intervene. Tossing his previous caution aside, Tony held Loki firmly by the shoulders, attempting to pull him out of whatever hallucination he was gripped by and ground him to the here and now. Loki turned his glazed and distant eyes to stare straight through Tony, pupils dilated and eyebrows firmly stuck high up his forehead.  
“Tony?” he rasped, his usually smooth voice becoming ugly under the strain.   
“Yeah?” Tony said breathlessly.   
“I know.” Loki said in a rough and hitched breath.

And before Tony could ask what it was that he knew, Loki was unconscious, a dead weight in his arms.

“Bruce! I could really do with a hand here?” Tony called out as soon as he was within earshot of Bruce, who was descending from the jet with caution. Even with the suit’s added strength, Tony would have appreciated a bit of speed in getting the unconscious god in his arms to safety. Bruce murmured some curse to himself before climbing the steps back to the jet and holding the door open for Tony. Following behind, Bruce edged his way around the two, giving a wide berth as if Loki were disease-ridden. He pulled back one of the seats until it lay flat, letting Tony lay the god down gently, as one would for the person they loved.  
They were almost halfway home by the time Loki awoke, bleary-eyed and rather dazed. He looked around the jet, startled, and when his eyes fell on Bruce he nearly jumped out of his own skin.   
“Shh, hey, Loki? It’s just Bruce and I, we aren’t going to hurt you.” Tony soothed, reaching forward from his own seat to place a comforting hand on Loki’s thigh. For a second, Loki looked as though he was contemplating swotting it away, but instead he settled for resting his own hand atop Tony’s.   
“I’m just…gonna…” Bruce pointed to somewhere non-existent, and left the compartment to a blissfully ignorant pair.  
After a few moments of comfortable silence, Tony spoke up.  
"Look, I’m just going to come right out and say this. You saved me that day- no, don’t deny it, I know it was you. And I am so grateful for that. But I’ve not come all this way to say thanks. You see, I realised whilst you were gone that life without you is so mundane, so dull that tampering with my own life support seemed more exciting. But I can’t afford for you to leave again. Because I don’t care if you aren’t good for me, but I need to know you. I need to find out little things about you that no one else knows, I need to know how you feel inside, past all this tough exterior. And usually I like the sound of my own voice, but the thought of kissing you seems a lot better.” Tony’s monologue occurred without pause, without breath, and was finished with a rousing end in Loki’s mind. Tony lent forward, hungry for the long-awaited, desperate for the touch of another, anxious to feel Loki’s lips touch his. And when their lips met, Tony wondered why he had ever let this go, because the feeling of Loki’s mouth moving against his was the sweetest touch the world had to offer.  
It was not a gentle kiss, deepened swiftly by Loki (who had seemingly recovered) as he pulled Tony on to the horizontal chair with him, ravenous for the sensation of Tony’s body atop his. It was all hands and limbs and touch and passion, and it was all Tony could do to not have Loki then and there. When Tony’s lungs were burning with lack of oxygen he pulled back, resting his forehead against Loki’s, inhaling deeply in an attempt to sear this moment into his mind for as long as he may live.   
“I have missed you, too, if that is what you were trying to admit.” Loki whispered, feeling far too sentimental.

Yet, he really did not mind. 


	11. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UGh...  
> I know I promised to hold off on the angst, but this was the only way to keep the plot moving, but what I can promise is that next chapter will feature the Avengers! Also, I'm pretty sure I should just outright call this an Angst fic because that seems to be all I can write :/

Loki knew it was not going to be easy to integrate himself into Tony’s life. It was clear to him that it would take far too long for humanity to accept him, even longer for S.H.I.E.L.D. He thought that would mean that it would take Tony a few months at least to become comfortable in his presence, to completely let his guard down. So Tony’s behaviour was indeed unexpected.  He was open towards Loki, never hesitant in what he said or did. He was _inclusive_ of Loki, and in some ways it worried the god. He didn't doubt how Tony felt, but he was paranoid, a little voice in the back of his mind (which sounded an awful lot like Odin) constantly asking him if he was sure. Because, as Tony had so crudely put it one particularly intoxicated night, Loki had been fucked over too many times for this to go wrong.

It had been two weeks since Loki had returned to Tony’s Malibu home (going back to Stark Tower would have been idiotic). That was 14 days, 336 hours, 20160 minutes and countless seconds of pure _ease_ , uninterrupted ignorance of the Nine Realms. It was the longest Loki had gone without feeling angry or vengeful. Some nights were far too domestic for his liking, others they did not make it to the bedroom. But every day was finished with the realisation that nothing good ever lasts in Loki’s life. The thought would wash over him like hot oil blistering his skin, leaving him raw, exposed and agonised. Because he knew it would not be long until Tony would ask what happened in that cave, what he saw and what he now knew. He could feel the thoughts being worried in his brain like worn down prayer beads, splintering his thumbs. His mind was as troubled as it had been at the height of his insanity, his brain felt inflamed and swollen within his skull. The throb he felt under his scalp made him feel so very _mortal_ , almost as if every attribute which made him a God had been stripped away from him leaving nothing but bones and sinew. No good could come from the inevitable.

On the fifteenth day, the inevitable became reality.

Tony had sat Loki down on his couch, insisting that he watch some absurd Midgardian form of entertainment known as _Star Trek_. They had done this before, Tony ‘educating’ Loki in popular culture of Midgard. They used the couch ineffectively, with Tony practically lying on top of the god, treating him as though he was there for Tony’s comfort alone. Loki was only half paying attention to the screen, his eyes frequently being drawn to the head resting on his lap. He had not taken Tony for one to show affection so freely, yet he was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth…well, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth _frequently_. He had been known to do it on occasion when he was a child. Looking down at the man before him, Loki was overcome by the sudden urge to _touch_. He wanted to smooth away the small beads of sweat that formed in the warm summer evening, yearned to brush the stray, dark hairs away from Tony’s forehead, ached to trace the outline of his face with his fingers and map out the gentle curve of his eyelids.  
“You know, if you just took a picture you could look at it longer.” Tony’s voice came from nowhere, startling Loki back into reality.  
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Tony.” Loki tried to protest, his voice lacking conviction, his tone affectionate.  
“You do realise that screens are a reflective surface, right? I’ve not been watching the TV, I’ve been watching you.” Loki could hear the smile in his voice, despite being unable to see his lips.  
“Sir, I can save a snapshot from the CCTV footage if you would prefer?” Came JARVIS’ dulcet tones. Tony laughed, the vibrations echoing through Loki’s body, making him feel cavernous against the heartiness of his lover.

They fell into another silence, uneasy and tense, the air filled with question. This was not a comfortable silence, and from that moment on Loki knew that the night would not continue in such a positive way. A part of him wanted to hold onto the warm, sticky air, knowing that a chill would soon fall between them. Yet still, he wanted it to be done with, for the answers to be confessed and the truth to be revealed. The silence lasted, palpable, tactile in the breezeless air. It was a bittersweet moment, both Loki and Tony tried to make it last as long as possible before that which was so inevitable. Eventually, the silence exploded.

“What are you keeping from me?” Tony said, blatant and straight to the point, in keeping with his reputation.  
Loki could either lie and say nothing, keep up the pretence that he had held for the last 14 days, or he could tell the truth, risking breaking the trust that had been built with fragility between them. Loki counted 7 heartbeats before he continued.  
“What I felt I must keep from you, until the time was right.” Loki danced around his words with years of experience.  
“Well that’s not exactly something you get to decide, so spit it out.” When faced with Loki’s hesitation, Tony continued in a softer, uncharacteristic voice, “Look, I don’t care what you are about to tell me, seriously. Everyone will feel a _lot_ better when this is out in the open.”

And so, with the most amount of trust he had _ever_ put in another living soul, Loki told him what he had seen in the cave. ****  
“In my solitude, I cast a spell that would allow me to essentially relive my memories of the night of the Ball as if they were happening around me. It requires upmost concentration and energy, which is why I was not at the peak of my health when you found me. I wanted to see who it was that caused the explosion, for as much your benefit as mine, the assailants may have been some of _my_ enemies. I must admit, we were naïve to not consider what I saw.”  Seeing the look of eagerness mixed with vengeance in Tony’s eyes, Loki hesitated once more. “Tony, I must ask that when I tell you who it was, that you remain _calm_. It would be unwise to run into battle without caution, or at least a plan.” Tony nodded furiously for Loki to continue. He had risen from the couch, and had begun a pace around the room that was fuelled with stress and nervous energy.  
“Beneath the main floor of the hall, where the bomb was placed, I managed to catch a glimpse of those who were placing the bomb. Obviously, I did not see the main enemy, but they were imprudent enough to allow those who were present to _remain in uniform_. It was S.H.I.E.L.D., Tony. They must have been aware of m-“ But Loki was cut off by the cry of anger that came from Tony.

“I should have fucking known it would be Fury! God, I’m going to kill him, I’m actually going to decapitate him and play soccer with his fucking head! Fuck!” Tony all but screamed with rage as Loki desperately tried to calm him, dodging the random household items being thrown around the room.  
“Tony, you must calm your mind, or else I will do it for you!” Loki’s smooth voice washed over the cacophony of shattering glass and anger. Tony almost instantaneously collapsed, sinking to his knees in silent surrender. He lowered his head to the floor, his hands gripping his hair so tightly that one would think he would tear his scalp away. Loki approached with caution, well aware of the volatility Tony could display.  
“There is one last thing,” Loki spoke quietly as he gently smoothed Tony’s hair, “I am going to turn myself over to Fury. No, I must, Tony, _I must._ Because soon they will burst through your doors and drag me away, kicking nonetheless. And if they hurt you because they needed to get to me, I would never be able to live with that.”  
Tony lifted his head slowly, looking up at Loki with such a look of incredulity that Loki never thought he would see. To Loki’s surprise, Tony practically threw himself at his lover, holding him so tightly as if it would anchor the god to the inventor. And when Tony’s lips eventually found Loki’s, they held each other in such an embrace that neither man thought would be possible. Emotion flowed through every passage formed at skin contact, expressing the words Tony would be unable to fathom. His hands, holding Loki’s neck, said _Don’t leave me_. His lips, capturing Loki’s in a hold so tight, said _I can’t live without you._ But it was the salt on Tony’s cheek that Loki knew was not sweat that said _Goodbye_. They pulled apart without the smiles that they usually found in each other’s lips, Tony resting his forehead against Loki’s chest, his hands still gripping his neck. Loki looked straight ahead, his face set in expressionless stone.

Tony found himself leaning against the air once more, alone. He observed that silence is so much more pressing when one is alone.


	12. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh god, I'm so sorry. I am literally the worst at updating, but I have had the worlds worst writers block and I was slightly losing confidence with this so yeah please forgive me. I felt that I should give you a chapter even if it is a bit of a filler, but this was all my writers block allowed me. So yeah, enjoy this small baby chapter while I figure out how the hell I can get rid of writers block.

“Hi yeah I’d like to order some pizza? Yeah, 3 extra-large pepperoni’s, 3- sorry hang on, _Clint it’s too late to change your mind now-_ yeah sorry 3 meat feast’s…yeah extra-large again. Actually make that 6 meat feasts. Sorry, 8 meat feasts. Oh yeah, and one Vege Volcano. Yeah, can you deliver it to Stark Tower? Top floor. Uh, yeah, I am Captain America. Yes I can take a picture with you. Thank you.” Steve put the phone down, sighing to himself. How did he ever end up with a team who can barely order pizza in an organized fashion?

The past few months had been weird, to say the least. Ever since the accident at the Stark Ball they had had radio silence from Tony, save from the few times Pepper confirmed he was still alive and the brief excursion he had with Bruce (which he was being oddly silent about, who knows what happened there).  The Avengers (bar Tony) had moved into Stark Tower a few weeks ago, upon insistence from Pepper that Tony needed the company. When they arrived, however, Tony was nowhere to be found. According to JARVIS, he was on a brief vacation and upon returning would go straight back to the Malibu residence.  Everyone was on edge. Even if they weren’t a team of superheroes, they would have felt offended, but considering who they were Tony’s actions were far more than simply suspicious.  
What was even odder was the lack of missions the team were being sent on. Even individually, the past few months had seen a serious decline in missions. Now, whether that meant the world was becoming a better place (unfortunately unlikely) or whether Fury simply didn’t think them capable was the question that hung on everyone’s lips.

When the pizza arrived, Steve obliged the delivery guy with a photo before taking the huge pile of pizza boxes into the kitchen, calling everyone over. There was the usual scrabble for food, before everyone sat down at the large kitchen table and tucked in.    
In the uneasy silence that fell when discourse failed, Steve heard the incessant question that plagued their minds day and night- _Where the hell is Tony?_ He caught the wary glance Natasha sent Bruce, who sat with uncomfortable posture in his discomposure. They had given up asking Bruce where Tony was, but the desperation was changing the dynamic of the team. Something had to give.

“Look, Bruce, I hate to bother you with this, but if Tony was in trouble you’d tell us, right?” Steve asked cautiously, carefully monitoring everyone’s reactions.  
“You know I would, and I promise that the moment he loses control of his situation I will tell you everything. I just think he needs time to sort this one out himself.” Bruce replied skilfully, avoiding Steve’s eyes by looking intently at his slice of pizza. They fell into another silence, masked well by the sound of eating. The rest of the table were exchanging scrutinizing glances.  
“Will he sort it out?” Clint asked, his voice sombre.  
“I really don’t know, Clint. But I trust him.” Bruce replied, and the conversation was clearly closed.

“Sirs and Madam, I take it that you would care to be informed that Mr Stark has arrived on the premises and is making his way here.” JARVIS broke the silence, making everyone stand and flock to where the elevator would arrive.  
“JARVIS, is he with anyone?” Bruce asked quietly.  
“Negative, Dr. Banner.” JARVIS replied.

Steve had expected Tony to look his normal, arrogantly jovial self, if maybe slightly drunk. And from everyone else’s reactions as Tony stepped out of the elevator, they had all been expecting the same thing. What they were faced with was something entirely knew. Tony Stark was crying.

“You’ve gotta fucking help me.”


	13. Unity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm literally amazed at how many of you haven't given up with this fic. I know I would have because I hate when fics don't get updated. But yeah I seriously love you all. Again, I feel like this is slightly a filler chapter because there isn't much action in it but this was important to the plot and trust me, it's about to get very action filled :)

“You’ve gotta fucking help me.” Were Tony’s first words to his team in these long months. He looked like crap, as though he hadn’t slept for a year. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen, he held himself with such feeble acceptance that the team of heroes felt close to tears with pity. Bruce was the first to approach, enveloping Tony into a clearly needed hug.  
“Did he-?” Bruce asked softly, but not softly enough.  
“Worse.” Came Tony’s broken reply.

Bruce led Tony to a couch and sat him down, kneeling in front of him with his hands on the inventors knees. Tony averted his gaze, for fresh tears were threatening to fall. This was so unlike him, he usually could hold his nerve but Loki did something to him, changed the workings of his mind and made him care too much.  
“Look, Tony, you are really going to have to explain your absence and your current state because I’m confused and I don’t like being confused.” Natasha explained, her hard voice softened around the sharp edges.

Tony took a moment to compose himself and began his lengthy explanation.

“Ok,” He said with a deep breath, “Just promise you won’t interrupt and that you will try your hardest to understand. A few months back, as you all know, Loki escaped S.H.I.E.L.D custody. Well, he kinda came straight to me. At first I was on guard completely, but then I realised he was hurt and I had to help him. He explained how he was in some weird debt to me so he agreed to let me test his magic and stuff. He was there the night of the…the explosion and he was so nice to me- more than nice. We ended up, you know, in bed together- no, you promised to not interrupt! I pissed Loki off then and I didn’t see him for a month then. All this time I had been trying to find out who set off that bomb and every lead I had turned to fucking dust and I was _so tired_. Let’s put it this way, I didn’t plan to get up the next morning. But, somehow, Loki saved me and gave me hope. I called Bruce and I told him- yeah sorry for not telling all of you- and we found Loki. I took him back to the Malibu house and we took a break while he healed himself.” Tony braced himself for the onslaught ahead.

“You fucking _slept with him!”_ Clint cried, clearly disgusted at Tony’s behaviour (Tony didn't exactly blame him). “Please tell me Loki managed to fix the whole blue eye thing when he enslaves people because you really don’t look enslaved by his magic!”

Natasha held Clint’s shoulder in a comforting restraint. She seemed to have no words for Tony, but he knew that she was saving her judgement until she knew all the facts. Bruce had sat next to Tony, wordlessly showing his support. Steve just looked mildly disappointed with Tony.

“There’s more,” Tony broke the silence, his voice thick with the unshed tears he so desperately tried to hold back, “Loki found out who planted the bomb. It was Fury, I’m so sorry but it was Fury and I swear to god the next time I see him I am going to make him fucking pay for all of those innocent lives he took.”

The silence that overwhelmed them was not one of discomfort but of shock. No one had anticipated this, but deep down Tony knew that none of them were truly shocked, that they all knew something was up with Fury.  
Bruce looked at Tony sympathetically, whose tears were now replaced with anger.  
“There’s more, isn’t there?” He smiled sadly.  
“Loki’s gone. He did the fucking noble thing and left to save me. He turned himself over to Fury and I have to get him back.” Tony’s voice was so desperate, so needing, so _fraught_ , that he hoped it conveyed his sincerity.  
Bruce immediately declared his loyalty, agreeing to help Tony as best he could. Then, it was a matter of waiting; either Tony would leave the Tower with the Avengers at his side, or he would leave with Bruce. Either way, Tony was going to get Loki back.  
Steve was first to speak up, “I’m not usually one to go against the boss, but I did it once before and it was the right thing. Fury was wrong, and you don’t deserve this.”  
Natasha’s face was unreadable, if she felt betrayed she did nothing to show it outwardly. “That explains a lot of things, you know. I thought it was odd that S.H.I.E.L.D did barely anything to help you.” Tony took it as her way of saying she was in.  
Clint looked nauseous. He was positively green, whether from anger or disgust Tony could not tell.  
“If I help you, be sure to remember that I do this for the Team and because of what Fury did to you, not for _Loki_ , not for your sick _fuck-buddy_.” He spoke quietly, with an uncharacteristic quiver to his voice.  Tony could accept Clint’s anger. Hell, if Clint had struck up a relationship with Obadiah, Tony would be pissed as well. He knew that it would take some time before Clint could ever forgive Loki, but Tony was astounded that Clint would even help in the first place, so he wasn't exactly complaining.

“So, what next? Do we plan this or do we just go in and get him?” Bruce asked, looking around at the freshly united team.  
“We plan,” Steve said matter-of-factly, “But first, Tony you look like a bus repeatedly ran you over. Get some rest, eat some food and prepare yourself. Because something tells me that the next few days are not going to be easy.”  
“Thanks, guys. Really, thanks.” Tony said simply, knowing that he didn't say it enough. He got up and made his way to his room slowly, his mind not quite connecting with his body.  
“ _You are going to get him back,_ ” Tony whispered to himself, the need for self-reassurance overwhelming him, “ _And now you've got a team behind you.”_


	14. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry  
> I really am  
> I didn't mean to take this long  
> I didn't mean to write a cliffhanger again  
> I didn't mean to hurt you all  
> I'm sorry  
> Please still like me

A haze clung lazily to the morning air, giving the early sun a cloak behind which to hide. The atmosphere was damp, water was gripping the windows of the kitchen as the Avengers gathered. Steve ran over the plan of action again, making sure each hero knew their role and position. It was a simple enough plan, but the consequences of failure were too drastic for Tony to imagine.  There was a lot that could go wrong, and if it did, Tony was prepared to give up his position on the Avengers Initiative, he never really liked S.H.I.E.L.D anyway. It probably seemed quite extreme, to give up being an "official superhero" for some guy, but to Tony, Loki wasn’t just _some guy_. And anyway, he silently reasoned as his thoughts drifted from the seventh time Steve explained the plan, he could always be a vigilante.  
“You guys ready for this?” Steve asked, looking at each Avenger in turn. Everyone murmured in assent, but Tony suddenly found his voice to be missing. He decided to stick with nod, save embarrassing himself with a cracked voice. Steve gave them all an encouraging smile, a ritual of his before any mission, and turned his face up to the ceiling.  
“JARVIS? Could you get the appropriate vehicles ready?” He asked, his voice taking on the commanding tone he used in missions.  
“Certainly, Mister Rogers.” JARVIS replied, and the Avengers gathered in the elevator to make their way down to the garage. So as to not raise suspicion, the Team would arrive staggered in different vehicles, divided up into partners relative to their roles. Clint and Bruce would arrive first; Clint would find a position to keep surveillance and Bruce would just stay near incase his _skills_ would be needed. Natasha would arrive by herself and make her way to security, using her high level to take over the surveillance cameras. Steve and Tony would arrive last, the extraction team, heading straight for the cell Loki was being held in and leaving as fast as they could without raising suspicion.  
“Tony!” Natasha called out as Tony made his way over to the car he and Steve would be taking. Tony, with his back turned to the assassin, inclined his head in her direction, the only way he could be sure his voice would not crack.  
“I just wanted to let you know that I’ve thought about _it_ and, well, I don’t blame you. And I definitely don’t think you are under Loki’s control. But you should know, if we get Loki out of there _everything changes_. Fury will know, why wouldn’t he, and he will end us. So, just bear in mind that this is a big step for us, and we will do everything in our power to help you but if it goes wrong you will be responsible. Not that I want to scare you or anything, I just, I’m scared _for_ you. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. It seemed imp-“  
“Important until you opened your mouth? Yeah, I do that a lot. But I think I get the idea of what you wanted to say. I appreciate it.” Tony interrupted, placing a cautious hand on Natasha’s shoulder. She smiled, a small raise at the corners of her lips, and placed her hand over his, nodding. Her eyes were distant, and Tony knew then that this mission was going to be different from anything they had ever done. This was the end and the beginning.

It wasn’t until two hours later that Tony and Steve arrived at HQ. Tony put on his ‘show smile’ as he flashed his I.D at the security guard, partaking in the usual scans, the pokes and prods, finally passing through a metal detector and moving forward. They kept the chat at minimum, Tony knew that the more casual they tried to be, the more suspicious they were. He took a quick glance at the memorised route they would take and set off, flashing his brilliant smile at a few junior agents on the way.

The walk to possible doom is always a silent one, Tony mused. Even the footsteps on the hard floor seemed to mute, all Tony could hear was the blood pulsing through his body, the soft drum of his heart beat, and his thoughts. They swam around his head like huge insects, pushing at his skull and burrowing in the flesh of his brain. His entire reality at that moment existed as a second, a fear, one single phrase. _Let him be alive_.

Steve explained their cover story to the guard as they reached the end of their walk down death row. The guard (a kid really, he could only have been in his 20s) gave Captain America a salute worthy of Captain Crunch, and allowed the pair of Avengers into the room. And Tony felt a burst of hope blossom from his chest, because they were one step closer to getting Loki out.

The room they entered was devoid of colour, natural light and furniture. All there was inside was a door and a long window into another room. They walked in, Tony cautiously leading the way, and approached the window. He immediately wished he hadn’t. Loki was inside, sat in the corner of an equally empty room, wearing nothing but a pair of standard issue hospital pants. His bare back, exposed to the window as he faced the white wall, was torn and weeping dark blood onto his pallid skin. There was no evidence of healing, his flesh was flayed yet his body seemed to do nothing to correct it as if it too had given up. Attached to his wrist was a catheter, and through Loki’s translucent skin, Tony could see his veins had taken on a dark tinge, prominent through his usual perfect skin.  
They had no time to stare at the defeated god like he were in a zoo, Tony told himself, they needed to get him out of this cage. With the level of importance JARVIS had given their ‘mission’, accessing the cell was no problem. Getting Loki out, on the other hand, would be a difficulty. There was no way of knowing what sort of mental state the god was in, what sort of condition, if he could walk or not. Tony approached Loki slowly once the door was open, in an attempt not to startle him.  
“Loki?” he asked softly, announcing his presence, “Loki, it’s Tony. I’ve come to rescue you.” Loki made no move to get up, so Tony approached further. “Can you walk? Do you need some help?” he tried again, desperate now to get some reaction from him. His mind raced, coming up with reasons why Loki would be unresponsive. Had they brainwashed him? Removed his tongue? Tortured him to the point of insanity?  
Tony was close enough now to touch the god, but he restrained the reflex to hold his lover.  
“Can you get up?” He tried again.

Loki shook his head ever so slightly, then more and more until his head was swinging from side to side with such vehemence that Tony feared even more for Loki’s well-being. He knelt down and hauled (with great difficulty) his lover up, supporting him as he signalled for Steve to come take the rest of the weight off. Steve didn’t need the help, but Tony needed to be close to Loki, even if he smelt like blood and vomit.

As they walked, Loki let his head drop onto Tony’s shoulder, a futile attempt to draw them closer. His lips were by Tony’s ears, he could hear the shallow breaths rattling with broken ribs.  
“You’re an idiot.” Loki mouthed, his pain too great to be able to carry the sound. Tony looked at him, two pairs of bloodshot eyes meeting, and watched the immortal god cough a shaking cough that spat blood onto the floor. Neither Steve, Tony nor Loki noticed the lack of a guard. Not until it was too late.

They turned out of the corridor, as hastily as one could when nearly dragging a hideously wounded body. They turned straight into danger. Agents surrounded them, most holding guns, some holding the rest of the team. All the guns were trained on them as Fury walked out in front of them, bringing dread with him into Tony’s stomach.

“Well, I have to say, Stark, you were the last person I expected. I thought you were smarter than this. I thought you could handle yourself in the field, that you had finally managed to redeem your past and work in a team. I figured they only way you could bring down your team would be your over-confidence. I never thought _betrayal_ was on the cards for you. But I bet you all believed him! What story did he come up with, huh? Was it _love_? _Sacrifice_? Or are you all under Loki’s spell.” He spoke with a gravity that Tony could feel on his heart, building up the pressure in his chest and making him breathe out hatred from his lungs.  
“With all due respect, sir-“  
“With all due respect, _Steve_ , you have failed me. Failed S.H.I.E.L.D. Failed America. In fact, worst of all, you have failed yourself. You have chosen the wrong side and I’m afraid I have to punish you. I have to punish America’s Mightiest Heroes-“

But Tony didn’t hear the rest. All he heard was a whispered command from Loki in his ear, the gunshot that echoed out, then the sickening sound of metal impacting flesh. His ears rung and the hand that held the gun burned with guilt, but he smiled on.


	15. Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow ok I'm really sorry about that cliffhanger but at least I've updated it. This one is kind of short but you needed an explanation so here it is :)

Getting slammed into a wall was something Tony seemed to make a habit of. Getting slammed into a wall by Captain America, with his strong arm pressing into Tony’s windpipe, was not something he wanted to happen again. He deserved the treatment though, in their eyes. Shooting the director of S.H.I.E.L.D at point blank range was not a smart thing to do, survival wise. His ears were still ringing with the gunshot and he was disorientated with the abnormality of the situation. He could hear Steve shouting at him but no words could reach Tony’s ears, just noise, incessant noise. Everyone was yelling and all Tony wanted to do was hug his knees and tell himself that he was under his own control. He needed solitude but everyone wanted to touch him, roughly and with no kindness at all. His senses were drowning under the hatred and the noise but no one could see it. Every gun was trained on him and he knew that this was the end. Maybe this is what waking up feels like, Tony mused in his unsettled state, maybe this is what it feels like to realise even the people who had taught you to trust again would turn their guns on you. Tony was no longer the betrayer, but the betrayed.

It was pure noise, a discordance in the atmosphere, disharmonius with the natural silence until a fragile, instable voice called out, tragically desperate in the clamour. It was one word, a command from the most obvious yet unlikely of mouths.  
“Look.” Loki voiced, his word slicing through the thick fog of confused vehemence like a knife cutting through flesh. His frail, shaking hand pointed to where Fury had fallen, but instead of the man the agents expected to see, a different man lay in his place, a bloodied void in his forehead like a gauged eye socket. Everyone turned and unanimously, uncharacteristically gasped at the stranger in a dead man’s suit. Tony laughed and looked at Loki. They were both on the floor, slumped over in defeat and pain. And they both laughed.

“I may be no _superhero_ ,” Loki spat out through gritted teeth, clearly in pain, “but _lies_ are my domain.” He smirked, baring his bloodied teeth and Tony had never wanted to kiss him more. In fact, he was pretty sure some other people in the room would have kissed him too in their shock.

The agents in the room looked uncertain. Their leader was just found to be an imposter, so now they were sheep without a shepherd. Natasha, being the highest ranking agent in the room, ordered them back to their stations with an oath of silence. She assigned a few of the heavier agents to take the imposter to a cell. There was still a whirlwind of emotions in the air when the agents left the team to gather their thoughts. Steve, Natasha and Clint looked hurt, Bruce was clearly trying to contain his anger and Tony was still laughing manically to himself. Loki, however, looked even worse than he did to begin with. Tony quickly realised this and hurried to the injured gods side, scanning his body for all his wounds.  
“They…suppressed my- agh- my magic. I cannot,” He was overcome with a coughing fit, spitting blood into his hand before he could continue, “I cannot heal.”  
Any urge to laugh had dropped with Tony’s stomach. On closer inspection, Loki clearly had infected wounds and was beginning to become feverish.

Tony never got a break.

“Look, ok, Loki, I’m going to fix this, but we need to get back to my tower. Can you walk?” He asked, moving his hands frantically over Loki’s body, trying to find an uninjured place he could safely touch. He was hard-pressed to find one.

“What do…you…think?” Loki replied between spasms of pain.  
“Ok, ok, ok, right, Steve can carry you to the car and we can drive back and work out how to fix you. Sound ok?” Tony asked as Steve knelt down to pick up the injured god. Loki sucked in a breath as he was lifted, holding his sides in a vain attempt to stop the agony.

They eventually reached the car they had arrived in, and Steve lay Loki down on his stomach gently in the back seat, careful to not hurt his wounds any further. Tony sat next to him and placed a tentative hand on Loki’s calf, the only place that wasn’t obviously wounded. He had always imagined that once he had got Loki back, everything would be okay again, the world would have it’s colour back. But his muscles were tensed and his brain was on fire and it was taking all he had in him to not open the car door and jump out onto the freeway, just to escape the car that was suffocating him in his anxiety. He was not stable enough to care for Loki, but he had to. He was all Loki had right now, because even if the others accepted him in theory, there was no telling how they would react to their enemy sleeping under the same roof as them in their teammate’s bed. He was trying to protect Loki, he told himself as the god spiralled into another coughing fit. But all he could do now was tighten his grip on Loki’s calf and wish that Steve would drive faster.  


	16. Whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! And it's time to introduce a (not so new) character who will be key in the next few chapters, enjoy :)

Before Loki, there was silence, there was order. The universe was careful, controlled, a place of normality and stagnancy. Loki brought with him energy, pure chaotic energy, ever changing. The air around him hummed with power and spontaneity. He was wildfire, he was a blizzard. He was all that mattered anymore.

But now, Loki was this:  
“28 lacerations to the dorsum, fractured cranium, broken pelvic bone, shoulder blade broken, internal bleeding,” Tony knew JARVIS was still listing off the countless injuries Loki had sustained from his torture, but he couldn’t listen anymore. There was no point anyway, Loki had no healing capabilities so any attempt at an operation and he would bleed out on the operating table. Listing off his injuries for the hundredth time was just making Tony remember how incapable he was at doing anything.

“Tony?” Bruce’s voice sounded distant and empty, “Tony you can’t just retreat into your own head. We need you. Loki needs you.” Bruce put his hand on Tony’s shoulder, and the touch shocked him. He lept backwards, electricity flowing into his skin and sparking his muscles into action. If anyone heard the scream that tumbled out of his mouth nobody commented. In fact nobody moved a muscle. Tony’s adrenaline fuelled eyes darted between the imcomplete team in front of him, Natasha Steve Clint Bruce Clint Steve Natasha Bruce Steve-

Incomplete.

“ _Thor_.” Tony whispered.  
“What?” Steve asked, his voice detatched from his head as Tony’s mind raced, kickstarted into action.  
“We need Thor.” Natasha said, her voice breaking into a surprised laugh.  
“How do we get him? Do cell phones work in Asgard?” Clint asked, looking around the room.  
Looking back through his memories, of when Loki and Tony would just talk for hours, Loki answering all of Tony’s questions on the wider universe, Tony remembered one name, mentioned in passing by Loki.  
“Heimdall. There’s, uh, a guy in Asgard, he’s pretty much their cell phone. Uh,” Tony stepped back from the circle of noise created by people as he tried to think. Looking up to the sky, or where the sky would be if there wasn’t a ceiling in the way, and he spoke loudly, “Heimdall? We need Thor.”

As if the stars themselves swarmed together and fell to the earth, a colomn of white light interjected with a thousand daggers of colour’s of all hue descended onto the balcony. With its dissipation left a large, muscular man, draped in red crouched on the floor, gripping a hammer. Next to the figure, stood a tall woman wearing a fine, gold dress, her hand resting on the man.  
The team, reunited completely after far too long, rushed to meet their Asgardian friend and his strange new guest. Thor had left as soon as Loki had escaped, thinking he might have travelled back to Asgard. They had not heard from him since.

“My friends, Heimdall has told me what has occurred in my absence. My brother is returned and he is ill. Is this the doing of some sorcerer, some vile poison?” Thor’s booming voice echoed as he individually greeted each of the Avengers.  
“Um, Thor? Who’s your friend?” Clint asked, gesturing to the serene woman glancing inquisitively around the room.  
“I’m sorry, friends. This is my mother, Frigga, Queen of Asgard.” Thor smiled, placing his large hand on his mother’s back. Tony wondered whether they should bow.  
“Not that we don’t appreciate the visit, uh, your highness. But why the personal visit?” Tony asked, regaining his composure.  
“Where a son’s life hangs in the balance, a mother will travel great distances to help him.” Frigga replied and the situation suddenly hit Tony once more. He was not the only one who cared for Loki, here was his family, worried for his health. Tony felt guilty for bringing this on them. Because, in all honesty, this _was_ his fault. If Tony had never let Loki… _seduce_ him, then Loki would never have had the compulsion to turn himself in to his greatest mortal enemy.  
“Honestly, we’re a little out of our depths here. Loki was, well, _tortured_ and his wounds are severe. But not just that, his healing factor is gone. I’ve seen something similar to this, an injury again inflicted by S.H.I.E.L.D- or whoever was running it- a dagger coated in some poison that Loki needed removing before he could heal. It never occurred to me that it was odd how he never healed fully, he has a scar now.” Tony thought it would be best if he shut up before someone asked how he saw the scar. He really did not want to discuss his sexual exploits with Loki’s mother.

“I’ve treated a similar poison before, but never on this level. I do not know if it would be possible to remove that much poison from his blood without killing him.” Frigga said the words simply, with no emotion as she spoke of her son’s potential death. It wasn’t a lack of caring, just a compartmentalisation in order to save her son. She spoke with a knowing look in her eye, meant only for Tony.

 _Huh_ , Tony thought, _even goddesses have a mother’s intuition._

“Show me him.” She said, her face giving off no emotion. The other’s let Tony lead Frigga and Thor by himself, knowing that this was a job for those who knew Loki, not those who had only met him in the grips of battle.


	17. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I know it's been a while and it's only a short chapter but it's better than nothing right? And I swear the next chapter is going to be pretty intense, so maybe a slightly happier chapter is in order. Enjoy :)

The room was dark and it accurately reflected the mood of its inhabitants. Thor looked distraught, his eyes rimmed red with unshed tears. Frigga was quiet, her lips pressed in a straight line, her feet barely making a sound as she walked. Tony was trying to keep it together, his hands were balled into fists, hoping against all hope that he managed to get through this without breaking down on two Asgardians. He wasn’t sure that was going to happen.  
“JARVIS, lights to 60%” Tony said with a slight tremor to his voice.

Loki was lying face down on the bed to protect his back, but it made him look like he was sleeping, if you could ignore the sickening injuries and his paler than usual skin. His position reminded Tony of waking up next to him and seeing Loki still asleep, relaxed. But this was not relaxation, this was an induced coma.  
Upon seeing her son, Frigga let out a small gasp, a brief loss of composure. She regained it quickly, but it was clear to see on her face that she was horrified. Thor reacted vehemently, turning around sharply when he saw his brother and letting out a small sob.

“I should have been here.” He said thickly, his hands in tight fists by his mouth. Tony put a hand on his huge arms, some form of comfort that Tony couldn’t quiet remember how to give.  
“I should have stopped him.” He said, in an attempt to calm the god. Then he realised what he said and decided to stop talking; he really didn’t want to explain to Thor what he and his brother had been doing whilst Thor was off-world. Thankfully, Thor was too wound up in his grief to notice.

“Uh, the injuries are severe, as you obviously can see. If he was human he could recover from this, we could perform surgery that would save him. But if we so much as poke him with a scalpel, he could bleed out and die. Is there some spell or something you can do that can bring back his healing factor?” Tony asked, with hope in his voice. He wasn’t sure the answer would be one he liked.

“Not to my knowledge, and my knowledge of magic is vast.”Frigga replied. Tony suddenly realised that Loki’s ego was obviously genetic. “But, if we were to remove the poison from his blood, he would theoretically begin to heal himself. The spell to cleanse one’s blood is not without it’s complications, or it’s cost. The price to pay could be devastating.”

“What does he have to lose?” Tony asked, perking up slightly at the piece of hope Frigga had offered him.

“His magic.”

 _Ah,_ Tony thought, _there’s always a catch._

For Tony the answer was simple. Perform the cleansing and save Loki. But would Loki, if he survived the spell, ever forgive Tony for letting him lose his magic? It was the one thing that Loki held dearest to him. It was the only possession, if one could call it so, that he had ever owned and kept. Sure, he would be back from the brink of death, but would he find his life worth living without magic?

“You’ve known him _a lot_ longer than I have,” Tony finally said after finding his voice, “Would he be able to live without magic?”

It was Thor who answered first.  
“I do not think he would ever forgive us. But I think it is worth the risk. I do not think I could forgive myself if we let him die.”

“I agree. Loki is a bright boy. I’m sure he would agree that this is the right choice.” Frigga spoke, her voice wavering as she said her son’s name.

“Ok, let’s do this then. Is there anything you need to do the spell?” Tony asked, feeling as though all the world had brightened again.

“Just solitude and time. And an assurance that I will not be disturbed. If I am, the consequences would be dire.” She wore a very grave expression as she looked at her dying son. There was a joke in their somewhere, but even Tony knew that there was a time and a place for humour. And a person. He wasn’t sure if Frigga had a sense of humour.

“Ok, I can do that. But I need an assurance from you.” Tony said as he made for the door with Thor.

“Oh? And what’s that?” Frigga asked, a hint of humour in her tone.

“You bring him back.” Tony said, his voice low and serious.

“I can guarantee you, I have every intention to do just that.” She smiled, a type of sad smile worn only by worried mothers.

As Tony walked out of the room with Thor at his side, he finally had hope that he would get Loki back. He just really damn wanted him to come back saftley.


	18. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omg I'm updating so quickly aren't you proud of me? This chapter was hard to write for some reason, I'm not sure it's my best writing, but I needed to write it and I couldn't wait much longer. Enjoy, I promise it will get better in a few chapters :)

The air in the kitchen seemed tense, like walking into a room where someone has just been talking about you. In fact, that’s exactly what had happened. Steve, Natasha, Clint and Bruce all turned to face Tony as he walked into the room, immediately halting their conversation.

 _For super-spies, they really don’t know how to be subtle,_ Tony mused.

“Tony, we’ve decided to leave.” Natasha stood up from the kitchen table, getting straight to the point.  
“Why?” _I need you here_ , is what he meant to say.  
“We need to find Fury.” _We don’t know how to help_ , is what she meant. Tony tried very hard to disguise his disappointment.  
“Oh, ok. Yeah, we need Fury back. But, wait for me before you take out the Furynappers, okay? Do recon, get Fury out, whatever. Just, let me have my shot at the guys who took him.” At Steve’s shocked face, Tony continued. “Oh, it’s not that I care that much about Fury. They did this to Loki, and they need to pay for it.” Tony was very proud with how calm he sounded. In reality, he wanted to scream, but his voice kept level.

“That’s reasonable.” Bruce said very quickly, before anyone could say anything about ‘ _letting go’_ or ‘ _staying calm’_. Tony didn’t want to hear it. There was a chorus of mummurs, assenting. Tony felt vindictively pleased.

“So, how will you find Fury?” Tony asked, trying to fill the awkward silence that had followed.  
“The same way we find anyone, Tony. We search for them until we find them.” Clint said, the smartass.  
“It’s just Clint and I going.” Steve said, matter-of-factly. Implying that Clint and Steve were the only ones who couldn’t stomach being around Loki any longer. Tony could handle that though, he had more important things on his mind.  
“Well, I may as well tell you what’s happening before you go. Frigga is going to ‘ _clense his blood’_ or something, I didn’t really understand it either. But it could destroy Loki’s magic forever, so I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place here.” Tony sighed. He was honestly sick of all these situations he got himself into. How come he managed to get kidnapped, have shrapnel blown into his heart, be an orphan, kill his father figure, fall in love with his mortal enemy who then procedes to subject himself to _torture_ and then have to make a decision on said enemy’s magical powers?  
_I must have done something really shitty in a past life_ , he mused.  
“I’m glad I'm going then. I _really_ don’t want to be here when Loki wakes up with the worst case of morning grouchiness in the history of the universe.” Clint snarked, and Tony almost snapped. If he had thought he was sick of being unlucky, he was a hundred times more fed up with people hating Loki.

 _“So, what happened?” Tony asked the naked figure in the bed beside him. He guessed that if there was any appropriate time to talk to Loki about sensitive topics, it was in his post-coital bliss._  
_“What happened when?” Loki replied, closing his eyes in faux-exasperation. He brought a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, but Tony could see his eyes were now half-open and glaring at him._  
 _“You know, after the whole ‘I want to kill everyone, give me Midgard, kneel’ routine?” He probably could have said that in a more sensitive way, but he was tired and sore and really curious._  
 _With an impressive sigh, one to rival Tony's, Loki recounted the tale of his madness._

 _“I was…not in my right mind, to say the least. Not long before I paid Midgard a visit, I had fallen into the void beneath Asgard. By my own volition. I was_ saved _by a being of unimaginable power, capable of inflicting the most agonising torture one could imagine. And so I was tortured. Tortured by silence and pain. I could not even hear my own screams as they poured from my bleeding mouth. I was damned. I turned to the madness in my soul, and found solace there, sanctuary. I agreed to lead the Chitari in an invasion on behalf of this Being, but I never wanted to. My mind was so fractured, so splintered. I-“ But Loki could not go on. Tony recognised the panic in his eyes, his shaking hands, his laboured breathing.  
And that was when Tony realised that Loki was not evil. He was just a broken man._

People had continued talking, but Tony had not been listening. His stupor was not broken by the heated argument that developed around him, not by the rise in his heartbeat or the speed of his breathing, not by the hand on his shoulder that led him away.

Tony had never been good at controlling his anger.

“Tony, are you with us?” Bruce’s voice rippled into existence in Tony’s ears. His eyes opened, to see Bruce looking worriedly at him. “Hey, welcome back.” He smiled.  
“Did you guys roofie me?” Tony asked, the corner of his lips curling into a grimace that tried to be a smile.  
“No,” Bruce laughed slightly, “No, you had a panic attack and disassociated. I think you started thinking about something that triggered you. Are you okay now?”  
“Peachy.” Tony managed to get out a smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. His head hurt like hell and his blood sugar was at the level of someone who had been starved, but something inside him ached in a way that was more than physical. He recognised it immediately, it was something he was vastly familiar with.


	19. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A really super short chapter- really really short. You probably don't even need it but I wanted to have some variety in how I write this and this chapter just sort of happened. I hope you enjoy it, hopefully it should tide you over to the next chapter, where our favourite norse god/superhero duo are reunited at last :)

Death was near to him.

_Your blood is tainted, my son._

Was blood even important anymore? It was his Jotun blood that caused the feud, and now it was his blood that would finish him. He was dying a mortal’s death.

_Poison._

He was drowning in it. He felt it crawl within him, dirty, disgusting. He was drowning from the inside.

_Darkness._

It washed over him, swarming him, hunted him, destroying him.

_Pain._

His body was dooming him to a fate felt by mortals. He felt betrayed by his own body and there was nothing he could do about it. His limbs were too heavy, his bones too weak.

_So breathe again, my son._

How does one breathe when all one can feel is the cool creep of death that crawled across his body, slowly, leaving a trail of decay?

_Breathe._

His lungs were heaving, no air was flowing into his body. He was beneath the thick ice, scraping against the cold and leaving the trail of his fingertips.

_Breathe._

Air rushed into him, but it tasted like metal, the sweet tang of blood that coated his tongue. It was not good air.

_And with your breath, breathe gilded air._

The air became honeyed mead, fur mantles, spiking runes, his mother’s embrace.

_Breathe cleansed air._

The air became motor oil, the welding torch, the thick heaviness of summer, the salt of sweat.

_Feel your blood disappear._

Death was near to him, but so was Life. They were beside him, outstretched hands. Death’s hand looked like the infinite black and hate and pain, Thanos and Chitari, destruction. But Life’s hand was simply Tony’s.

_Feel it flow renewed._

He took Life’s hand, and stepped back into the world, blinking and gasping as a new-born baby.


	20. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, finally, with a nice long chapter for you all! Don't hate me, it may seem like I've been horrendously mean but the chapter has a happy ending, I promise :)

There was something different about the world he woke up in. There was a dullness to it, the air was thick, rounding the sharp edges of his senses. The colours of life seemed too overcast, as if thunder cloud had swarmed over the sun.

_  
Thunder_

His senses were not as sharp, but they were not non-existent. Thor was here, he could smell mead and ozone. Why was his brother, of all the people he really did not want to see, here? In fact, where was he? And why the Hel was he in so much pain?

“Hush, my child,” A soothing voice washed over him as he scrambled to get up, a warm hand pushing him lightly back down, “You are not nearly strong enough to move. Rest, and do not try to speak.”

His _mother_ was here, leaning over him as if he were back in his crib, wailing. He had so many questions to ask, so many people to talk to. Tony would know, Tony always knew.

 _Tony,_ Loki thought the name desperately. If he could concentrate, perhaps he could awaken something within Tony. He had unwittingly placed a spell on Tony, what seemed an age ago. It allowed him to subtley…summon was the only applicable word. It was nothing overt, simply arising a feeling deep within Tony that would will him to find Loki.

As he called out into the vast expanse of his mind, calling and calling the name of his love, Loki realised that there was something dreadfully wrong. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. He could not feel anything within himself. Where was his magic?

He drew in breath to speak, but his lungs rattled horrifically. Maybe he would feel normal after some rest. Maybe he should sleep.

* * *

 

Tony was asleep, but he was very much alert. He felt _wrong_ , his stomach was turning and turning, he couldn’t relax. Something deep inside of him was awakened and could not be quietened. He needed to do something, but he had absolutely no clue what that something was.

“Sir, Frigga has asked me to inform you that her work is complete.” JARVIS spoke, breaking sharply through Tony’s restless sleep. His eyes opened immediately, his body jolting awake with a surprising amount of energy considering the distinct brand of insomnia that he was so familiar with.  
"Did- has it worked?" Tony fumbled around for his words, his mind trying to catch up with his body.  
"I'm afraid I cannot tell, sir. I suggest that you ask Frigga that herself." JARVIS replied.  
"Shit, that doesn't bode well." Tony rubbed his eyes in a vague attempt to scrub out the image of a dead Loki behind his eye lids. His previous energy had depleted, and Tony's body felt heavy as he lifted it out of the bed.  
"JARVIS? Who's up?"  
"Only Miss Romanov, sir. Shall I ask her to join you?"  
"Yeah, what the hell. I could use the moral support." Tony tried to act blasé but truly he was glad that Natasha was up. He was panicking, deep inside he could feel it. It was a slow burning kind of fear, one that filled every single atom in his body until he shut down, collapsed, begging his body to breathe. If Loki wasn’t alright, if something had happened to him, he knew he would panic like this.

 _You’re too dependent on him,_ that insidious voice inside his head whispered. Of course he was too dependent on him. It was a pattern with Tony. He became wholly dependent on people he loved, he loved too deeply, too completely. He loved Pepper with his entire heart, he wouldn’t survive without her. But he loved Loki with his soul, if he even had one. He wouldn’t be able to breathe without him. And he hated it. He was a grown adult fixated on an _alien/god_ and he was in love with him.

Tony didn’t realise he was gripping the wall for support until Natasha helped him up. She didn’t say anything, just offered her hand with a small smile. That was the thing about living in a house of heroes: they all knew pain and how to patch you up again. They all had an empty shoulder, a beckoning hand, an open ear and a bottle of alcohol. Hell, they were his family now, and Tony really shouldn't mind being dependent on them.

Frigga was standing outside the door to the hospital room, serenely morose. She nodded once to Tony when he approached, but there was no hint of happiness on her face. Tony’s heart sank into his stomach and blistered in the acid.  
“Is he okay?” His voice was detached from his body, distant and broken.  
“He will live. I do not think he will want to now that his magic is gone. He is so dependent on that which he loves.” Her voice was discordant, guilt-ridden.

And hell if that wasn’t ironic.

Tony moved forward, not feeling his body moving but aware of its movement. He felt Natasha’s light touch on his shoulder, and he was propelled forward only by his desire to see Loki. The door closed behind him, shutting out the light. JARVIS kindly made it brighter.

Loki was no longer marred by his wounds. He was lying on his back, skin pale as ever, but he showed life in his miniscule movements. His black hair fell jaggedly across his face but moved softly with his breath where it lay beneath his nose. His eyes moved behind his eyelids, an erratic dance of fear. There was something off about him, as though he were dulled metal that needed polishing. He was too vulnerable, too small.

Tony walked forward and rested his hand on Loki’s shoulder. He was cold to the touch. A dark part of Tony’s mind felt what he may have felt if he had not found Loki sooner, a corpse on a mourge table.

“Am I dead?” A small, rough voice emerged from the pressing silence. Tony laughed a humourless chuckle.  
“You nearly were, you son of a bitch.” Tony smiled as Loki's eyes slowly opened, revealing green that was murky and dull, without its usual lustre. His frown melted when his vision focused on to Tony.  
"I must confess, I did not expect to ever see you again." He croaked. Tony realised he should probably get him some water or some ice chips or anything that would give Loki's voice the delicious intensity it deserved. He moved to go to the water fountain, but a cold hand on his wrist stayed him. 

"Do not go, not yet. I need to see you." Loki cryptically murmured, his voice cracked around the edges.  
"I'm here Loki, I just need to get you some water-"  
“No, I need to feel this.” Loki closed his eyes again. Tony was even more worried now, had losing his magic made him delusional?  
“Feel what, Loki? What do you need?” Tony asked, and hell he could feel the panic rising up inside his throat, bile burning his tongue.  
“Pain. I need to know that I can feel pain still. Something’s wrong with me. What did they do to me?” And that was the most heartbreaking thing Tony had ever heard, it was a million tiny knives stabbing his gut. The raw desperation in Loki’s voice felt misplaced, but it was unmistakably there, guttural vulnerability digging its nails into Tony’s flesh.

“There was a poison that they used, it, fuck, it destroyed your ability to heal. It was your magic or your life-“  
“Why didn’t you take my _life_?!” Those words hit deeper than Tony expected. Loki’s voice ricocheted around the empty room, his raucous cry a machine gun in his head. Repeating, repeating, repeating until Tony thought he was going to start bleeding from the friction the phrase caused in his mind.

And that’s when Tony remembered. He was no longer playing the game of humanity. This was gods and monsters, magic and fire. Loki was a _chaos_ _god_ , of course his reaction was going to make Tony crumble. There he was, in the hospital room, and all he could feel was guilt pressing down on him. He was in freefall with the dead weight of his suit pulling him down, he was drowning but the air was too far away and all he had left was burning in his lungs. He could feel his body trying and failing, trying and failing, trying and failing to draw in breath, he was dying and he deserved it. He had destroyed Loki’s magic, he had failed him, it was his fault, all of it, every single thing that had gone wrong had happened because Tony had fucked it up.

Someone far away approached him, said his name, touched his face and he opened his eyes. His mouth was dry and Tony realised that he had said it all aloud.  
“Tony, Tony, don’t cry. It will never be your fault. If you swung the sword above my neck, if you pulled the trigger, it would still not be your fault. Because I would never blame you. I’m sorry.”

Two broken men sat with their backs to the wall, voices hoarse and river beds on their cheeks. Loki had slipped his hand inside Tony’s and held on as though nothing else mattered. Whether for his own comfort or for Tony’s, their hands remained entwined. Life felt eternal and brief in the same instant as the world righted itself.

 _I won’t let go_ , Tony mused, _hell I don’t care if I never let go._

He rested his head on Loki’s shoulder, and his heart felt light.


	21. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I've been revising so my writers block has been insane, but this suddenly came to me. A happy chapter, enjoy.

It took 3 days of isolation from the rest of the tower for Tony to convince Loki to leave the room. He was strong enough now, his usual healing factor had returned and he was healthy, but his mischievous smirk did not come with it. There was something lacking in his demeanor, when he paced the hospital room his feet were not propelled by his usual inquisitorial vitality, the sort of reserved intensity, his implied danger. When he sat his pose was no longer straight with princely posture, but resigned and unhappy.

“Loki?” Tony tried for the 276th time to get Loki’s attention. He frequently drew into himself, ignoring all touch, all sound. Tony would have thought there was something wrong, except the small frown that betrayed his concentration. It was clear that he was searching for his magic. This time, however, he got a reply.   
“I don’t understand.”  
“What don’t you understand?” Tony’s voice was gentle, this was the first time Loki had spoken in three days and he was not about to lose him again.  
“How you live without power. How you survive knowing that you are constrained by mortality and the insufferable lack of complexity. How you can stand this blandness.” Loki spoke quietly at first, but a crescendo rose in his throat, emotion chiselling away at the strength in his voice and leaving him with a voice like cracked marble.  
“You know how, Loki. The answer has been with you for the past few months. Look, I can imagine what you are going through right now. It would be like losing my memory or my genius and being asked to carry on being Iron Man. But you know what I would rely on, after losing everything that I needed to be me? I’d rely on the people who were there for me. I’d let them carry my burdens, share the weight a little more equally. I’d get drunk with them and pour out every single damn feeling in my body, if only to feel a fraction better. Loki, I need _you_. I need that sarcastic, confident, slightly scary Loki. And I know he’s in there, even without magic. Hell, you hid behind your magic, if anything. I mean, remember when you stood in my workshop and showed off all your tricks, all I could think about was-“ But the train of thought was lost, replaced by a bigger, better and far more important one.   
“What? What did you think?” Loki asked, it was clear he had been hanging on every single one of Tony’s words.   
“Shush shush shush shush, I need to think!” He rubbed his hand over his face, exhaling heavily. He ran over to a computer on a desk near by, hurrying to formulate the idea before it was lost to him.  
“JARVIS, bring up the scans from the folder Magicky Crap.”  
“Already on it, sir.”  
“By the Norn, would you please tell me what’s going on!” And there he was, that snarky Loki with the razor sharp voice. God, Tony had missed him.  
“I can’t believe I never thought of this before, god I’m an idiot!”  
“What, Tony, never thought of what!”  
“The energy signatures! _Your_ energy signatures! If I reverse the information I could make a scanner that locates your energy signatures! I was planning on making one, that’s why I took your energy signatures, I wanted to make a machine that would let us know where you were in case you attacked again. I kind of got a little side tracked.”  
“And why would that be any use to you? In case you haven’t been paying attention, my magic has been ripped from me and it is never coming back! What use would you have for a locator device that is ineffective?” Loki sounded kind of pissed off, but that was good. It meant he wasn’t thinking about being sad.  
“Because if I localise the scanner, if I make it more concentrated on a smaller area, i.e your body, I could check if your magic is really gone or not!”

Silence. Loki was clearly trying to see if it would work, whether or not he should get his hopes up. The anger visably fell from his face, but it was not replaced by the happiness that Tony had expected, rather Loki’s expression fell further from anger, further from sadness, into the heartbreaking pit of resignation.

“It would not work. My magic is gone, I can tell. Your _science_ cannot help me now.” His voice was calm and stoic, it did not waver or crack. It betrayed no emotion. Tony recognised it; it was his battlecry.

“You know how often I get told my inventions will not work? Lot’s of times-“  
“If you care for specifics, sir has been told his inventions would fail a total of 1324 times in his lifetime.” JARVIS interrupted.  
“Thank you, J,” Tony muttered with sarcasm, “You know how many times my inventions actually do work? I’m going to hazard a guess at 1324 times. That’s because when I hit an obstacle I do not let myself fail, I don’t just say fuck it and give up. I find out what didn’t work and I come up with a better idea. And yeah, maybe the finished product isn’t exactly what I planned it would be. But it works, and I always make it work. So give up, it won’t change anything. I’m going to make this work, because I would rather die than give up on you.” The amount of emotion that was coursing through his body was obscene. He hated the fact that Loki made him feel so much but he didn’t want to do anything to change it. Tony was dependent on Loki, he loved him too deeply. But Tony was not about to change that. Loki was his, and Tony did not want to him down, especially when he was the cause of all this.

Loki’s face was an amalgamation of every emotion; anger, pain, love, confusion, wonder, anything and everything that Loki was feeling was shown on his face in some way. And it was truly a beautiful sight. So beautiful in fact, that Tony couldn’t help but close the gap in between them and kiss Loki. Their lips moved together, they were synchronised, they were harmonized, they were everything that Tony had been craving since Loki had left. He suddenly felt as though he had never kissed anyone with such urgency, in fact he had never kissed at all, and he needed to make up for lost time and touch and taste everything that he had lost. Loki’s hand was on his neck and then his back and in his hair, tugging and clawing, following every angle, every curve. Loki was his and he was Loki’s and everything was right in the world again.   
And then it was over, and Loki’s lips were gone, and Tony felt as though he had suddenly lost a thousand new colours that had flooded his eyes.   
“Go make this work for me. Please.” Loki whispered into the solid air that wedged itself between them.   
“I love you, I seriously fucking love you. And that’s why this is going to work. I’m going to get your magic back. And whilst I’m working, please leave this room? You need to show the other’s why I love you. Go, introduce yourself to my family.”

For the first time in what felt like a very long time, there was no one in the tower who was truly unhappy. And the air glowed with it.


	22. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update, I have been so incredibley busy at school. But here is a slightly longer chapter, so I hope that makes up for it!

With Tony otherwise occupied, Loki realised that his only option was to venture from the hospital room into the rest of the tower. He was torn still, however. He wanted to speak to the other Avengers and offer his gratitude, but at the same time he wanted nothing to do with them, lest they decide he is still the enemy. After standing for a few long minutes with his hand hovering above the door handle, Loki reasoned that if Tony was confident that he should meet the others, then he should do it. He trusted Tony, of course. 

The hallway was dark and it was only then that Loki realised that it was the evening.  Time passes strangely when one is not aware of it , he mused.  A part of him hoped desperately that they had gone to bed. The noises from the large living room begged to differ. The door was cracked open, and light interjected with colour spilled out into the dark corridor.

“We are  not  watching this, I absolutely refuse!” A male voice sounded from inside.    
“C’mon Bruce, it’s just a sitcom!” A female voice, followed by the distinct sounds of a struggle.    
“Nat! You traitor to all womankind!” The same female voice shouting over the peals of laughter that resonated within Loki. He had only then realised that he had not laughed in a very long time. 

“You realise that I could kill you with this remote, don’t you?” A different female voice this time, rich with mirth.    
“Oh please, you can’t scare me. Besides, it isn’t like you would do anything that would make Tony angry.” The mention of Tony Stark  made Loki’s ears perk up immediately. It was ridiculous how the simple mention of his lovers name could affect him so.   
“ Wanna bet?”    
“Oh no, we are not having another bet in this Tower, not after last time.” The man, Bruce, chimed in. By this time, Loki had had his fill of eavesdropping, no matter how curious he was to hear what had happened the last time a bet was made. He pushed open the door, bracing himself for the worst.

The three were sat on the sofa, Dr Bruce Banner, the Widow and Pepper Potts. Loki reasoned that if he could have chosen who to speak to first, these three would have been the top of his list. He had had his problems with each, but they were certainly the most reasonable of the lot. Bruce he had already met, Pepper was extremely loyal to Tony and so would support his decisions, and the Widow would hear out all the arguments before making a judgement. Even so, Loki felt incredible awkward. 

“Oh, hi Loki.” Bruce smiled, and that smile alone was enough to calm Loki. Bruce was accepting of him, so perhaps he would sway the others. “We were just discussing what to watch, do you want to join us?”    
“If my presence will not disrupt, I would love to.”  Loki smiled politely at all three of them, then chose to sit in an armchair, a little away from the sofa. He did not want to intrude.    
“So…uh, how long have you and Tony been,  y’know , involved?” Pepper asked with a polite and dignified smile. Loki could see why Tony liked her so much.    
“I’m sure you all remember the little, ah, altercation that occurred at Tony’s ball. It was shortly after that, in this very room in fact.” Loki glanced over to the  balcony wistfully.    
“Wait, I came back h ere to check on Tony. You weren’t here.” Pepper said with a small knot of confusion forming on her brow.    
“I was very much here, Miss Pots. Whether or not you saw me is an entirely different matter.” Loki replied with a smirk, remembering that night before everything went wrong. It surprised him how much he lingered in the past these days.   
“Oh, that would explain the bon- Oh hi, Frigga!” Pepper immediately changed the course of her sentence as Frigga walked into the room, followed closely by Thor. Loki felt his heart seize up, he was unsure of what to say to his brother and mother, considering the current state of affairs. 

“Brother! You have awoken!” Thor crossed the distance between them in long strides, pulling Loki out of the armchair and into a rib-breaking embrace.    
“And I shall soon be unconscious again if you do not let me breathe!” Loki managed. Thor immediately dropped his brother with an apologetic smile.   
“Forgive me, brother. It has been too long since last we spoke and I could not restrain myself. I apologise, you do not like ‘ mawkishness ’ as I recall.” He spoke solemnly, the tone of voice ill-fitting with his usual  demeanor .    
“It is alright, Thor. I believe that I am quite change d since our last meeting. Midgard has…changed me.” Loki spoke softly, desperate to convey his change in personality. He was no longer the man that had dismissed his brother so callously.  It truly wa s incredible what love could do.

"I am glad of it, my brother is back." Thor smiled, and Loki smiled despite himself. Somehow, the smile twisted into something unpleasant.    
"Not all of me has returned." It was a mistake to say it, he realised that as Thor's smile crumbled.   
"I do not have  the  words to apologise for that, Loki. I grieve with you." Thor's face was grave with sorrow.   
"Do not apologise." But that was all Loki could manage, this statement that only carried half of his heart. A small seed of darkness at the back of his mind couldn't help but blame Thor, Frigga and Tony, as he knew it must have been their decision. The much larger part of his mind put it into perspective however, he would have died and he couldn't do that to those who love him. Not anymore at least.

JARVIS' voice woke him from his stupor.

"Captain Rogers and Agent Barton have arrived in the building." He spoke, and Loki felt his heart hit the floor. The ensuing conversation with Agent Barton was not to be a pleasant one. The elevator doors opened and Loki drew in a breath. 

"Boy am I glad to see that nice couch" Barton, walking straight past Loki, threw himself onto the couch. He had not punched Loki on sight, it was a start.   
"Sorry Clint, but your ass crease did not survive your absence." Natasha grinned, slightly maliciously, as Barton's face fell.   
"But I've been working on that for months!" He whined, and Loki couldn't quite help the smile that made its way to his lips. It was odd seeing Barton like this, so... domestic.  It wasn't that he had expected the same man as he had last seen, but it was still a shock. He had however been expecting a less than warm welcome, so he was pleasantly surprised.

He had spoken too soon. 

"Oh," Barton uttered as his eyes fell on Loki's rather shambled form, "I had almost forgotten about this."    
" Clint. " Rogers warned, but it was too late. Barton  had stood up and was approaching Loki with hatred in his eyes. Thor angled his huge body to shield Loki from any incoming wrath. Loki raised a hand, never taking his eyes off Barton's. Thor, rather reluctantly, removed himself.    
"It's okay, Thor. Your brother and I just want a conversation." Barton bared his teeth in a smile aimed at Thor, also never changing his stare. The surprise Loki felt must have conveyed on his face, as Barton relaxed his intimidating posture.    
"What? Did you think I was going to beat you up?" Barton laughed as Loki nodded, "Nah, that would just piss Tony off and he is not pretty when he is pissed off."   
"I admit, I was expecting rather more...violence." Loki spoke slowly as Barton turned away, leaving the room. Just as he reached the door, he turned.    
"I'd rather do this in private." He said, with a glance around the room. Loki couldn't help but get the feeling that the other Avengers had perhaps been looking forward to witness the altercation. 

Loki followed Barton into the corridor and shut the door behind them.    
"Okay," He drew out the word with an exhalation, stalling. This was going to be painful.    
"I would like to apologise for... enslaving you. I was not in my right mind when I...attacked Midgard." Loki began, hoping to get through this as quickly and as painlessly as possible. It was in fact an heartfelt apology, but he was not certain that Barton would believe it.    
"I  kinda had a feeling something wasn't right. I mean, did you look in a mirror then? You were all sweaty and gross and you looked like you had an extreme case of the flu." Barton smiled, then thought better of the display of emotion and returned to a blank expression. 

A brief moment of silence engulfed them as Barton made his decision. To forgive the man who had enslaved him and forced him to kill his colleges o r to take his revenge. Barton sighed heavily.   
"Look, I can't really believe I'm saying this - and don't you dare tell Tony he will laugh at me \- but I am not going to kill you, or try to. You may have ruined my life and I'm still not completely over it, but I care about Tony. He-" Barton paused as he tried to formulate the words into something that sounded acceptable, Loki assumed, "He deserves to be happy. And if you ever make him unhappy I will go back on this and I  will kill you. And besides, you aren't really much of a threat to me like this. It was all that magic shit that I was worried about."

Loki felt the flame of anger lick his throat, but he clenched his fists and let it pass. If he killed one of Tony's friends he would never be forgiven.    
"Thank you, Agent Barton." He turned on his heel and fled the room with as much dignity as possible. He had had quite enough conversation for one day. He wanted to see Tony.

"JARVIS? Is Tony still working?" He asked once he was out of earshot.   
"I apologise, but sir is hard at work and has informed me not to allow any interruptions. Not even from you." JARVIS replied. Loki sighed settled on sleep. He was emotionally drained, and he was still not at the peak of his health.

He fell on to the empty bed in Tony's room and felt sleep engulf him immediately.


	23. Goodbyes ||

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Crickets sound* hello? Anyone still here? Yep, its been a while, and I swear I say this every time I upload a chapter but I am really sorry it has taken so long. I've just been so goddamn busy with school and revision and exams and ugh. So yeah, here is a short chapter to fill the silence. It's been so long you will probably have to reread the last few chapters to remind yourself of whats been going on. Also its been over a year since I started this! Thank you to everyone who stuck with it, left comments and kudos, gah I love you all so much. Enjoy :)

Loki did not see Tony for another 2 days. JARVIS told him that he was alive and sleeping in his workshop, but whenever Loki tried to access the room JARVIS reminded him that Tony did not want any disruptions. It was painful being without him for this long. The other inhabitants of the tower were friendly enough, but he needed a break from trying so hard to be nice, something that came naturally with Tony. As the sun set on the second day, Frigga announced that she needed to return to Asgard. A part of Loki felt sorrow at the thought of her departure, but he was not an infant anymore, he could function without his mother constantly at his side. They all gathered on the balcony to see her off, although Loki was certain that the Avengers were only there out of courtesy and curiosity. Loki approached his mother, eager to talk to her without the ears of others listening too.  
“I am sorry to leave you, my son,” Frigga spoke softly, placing her gentle hands on his face, “You are so strong to be standing here. I never gave up hope in you, yet a part of me doubted I would ever see you smile again.”  
“I am only standing here because of you-“  
“No, you are alive because of me. You are standing here because of him.” She smiled knowingly, as a mother always does. The statement jarred Loki ever so slightly. He had not expected her to know about Tony and him. But of course, this was his mother, why wouldn’t she know?  
“He is quite persuasive,” Loki spoke with a small chuckle, “He is convinced he will find my magic. I wish I could believe him.”  
“Thor tells me he is quite the intellect, your Stark. If he is convinced, I doubt it is without reason.”

She smiled, bringing Loki into her embrace. When she released him, tears had formed in her eyes, refusing to fall. “I realise there is no use in reminding you that he is a mortal, my child. I could not sway Thor from his Jane, and you are far more stubborn than your brother.”  
“I know that he is mortal. It is a thought that rarely leaves my mind. But I could not let him go, not now that we have come this far. And besides, a brief moment of happiness in an incredibly long, unhappy life surely makes it all worthwhile.” Loki was distant as his lips moved, the words falling out of him without observation. He could not bear to think about the inevitable.  
Frigga nodded and smiled sagely. “I will see you soon, my boy. I would ask that you take care of yourself, but I think someone is going to do that for you.” She was no longer looking at Loki but over his shoulder. He turned, following her gaze as it fell on the personification of disorder.

Tony looked as though he had not slept in 3 days and Loki would not be surprised if that was true. He had a smile on his face, though, and it lifted Loki's spirits better than any magic could. He walked up to Loki and Frigga, never once taking his eyes off his lover.  
"I honestly don't know how I can thank you for what you have done, Frigga." Tony said, his most charming smile breaking through for Loki's mother.  
"There is one thing you can do, Stark." She smiled, almost maliciously. Loki could see where he got it from, even if she wasn't his real mother.  
"Oh, wow, okay sure, I'll do whatever." Tony laughed nervously, shock blatant on his face.  
"Look after my son. I can see that he is very clearly a changed man, but I leave it to you to keep it that way." Loki felt embarrassed, barely containing a blush at his mother's words. He must have looked like one of those teenage Midgardians he saw so often in the films he watched with Tony.  
"I can assure you, that is the one thing I was planning on doing for the rest of my life. Loki and I, we're in the same boat. Different ocean, but the same boat. I need him as much as he needs me." Frigga smiled, content in the answer.  
"You have picked well, my boy." She gave him one last embrace and summoned Heimdall, disappearing into the swirl of light and colour that engulfed her. Loki felt a pang of heartache as she left, but the warmth that came from Tony's arm around his waist was enough to make it bearable. Loki heard someone, probably Steve, clear their throat and the team of heroes left.  


He turned to Tony, a sad smile on his lips."You look utterly exhausted." 

"I feel fine actually, but I'm going to need another coffee in about 10 minutes. How are you?" Tony looked up at the significantly taller man, the bags under his eyes particularly prominent now.  
"Surprisingly well, considering my situation." He smiled sadly and relished in the familiar warmth of Tony's hand holding his. If he was going to be unable to feel as he once did, perhaps he would need to try to experience the kind of joy Tony could feel in the world.  
"Well, I'm about to make you feel a whole lot better. I finished the scanner. I was thinking of naming it the Lokater but that's a little chee-" Sometimes the nonsense that spewed out of Tony's mouth was too much for Loki to handle, so he put his lips to better use.


	24. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What? I'm back? Already? And it hasn't been two months? Wow.   
> Well, I felt bad and I've been procrastinating like hell today, so here have the fruits of my labour. Enjoy :)

Tony's workshop was lit only by the blue of the holographic interface, reminding Loki of night's in Tony's bed, their skin a pale blue in the light of the arc reactor. It smelt of motor oil and sweat, a kind of metallic tang that was just Tony. It was ironic really, that the last time he had been here was a display of his magic and now it was a desperate starving attempt to find it. 

Tony, who had up until this point been reassuringly holding Loki's hand dropped it in  favor  for the fruit of his labour. He lifted a box from the cluttered worktop, black like leather and night, and presented it to Loki proudly. 

"Look what I made at school, Mom!" He smiled wryly but the joke was lost on Loki.

"Please do not refer to me as your mother, that is inherently disturbing." He deadpanned. In any other circumstance, he would have asked Tony if he would have done what they have done to his mother, but today he was eager to get this over and done with. 

"So this is going to be quick and painless, okay? Seriously, it will be over in 30 seconds. I need you to take off your shirt though, and as much as I would like that to be for sexy reasons it's really for science." Tony smiled and it was soothing. Loki complied while Tony prepared the scanner.

"JARVIS, record all the data and store it in the folder The  Lokater ." Tony said, his serious tone clashing with the ridiculous name.   
"Are you seriously calling it that? I had thought I expressed my distaste for it earlier." Loki spoke carefully, trying to be normal when all normality had been ripped from him.   
"You kissed me! Sorry, but if you don't want to make my ego any bigger you are going to have to not ' express your distaste'  with an amazing kiss."    
"Fine then, I suppose I cannot kiss you ever again, since I feel constant distaste in your presence. Such a shame really, I do  so  like kissing you." Loki pouted as he drew himself closer to Tony, almost feeling like himself again. 

"I have to say, this is amazing stalling" Tony whispered, placing the scanner back down onto the work surface and closing the gap between their lips. Loki hummed in agreement, feeling the vibration on Tony's tongue. He knew that he was putting off the inevitable bad news, but in this moment everything felt as it should. He did not feel broken when Tony's lips grazed his neck, he did not feel empty when those hands were in his hair, did not feel cracked when he was engulfed by his love for this mortal. Tony drew back slightly, leaning his forehead against Loki's and smiling.

"As much as I could kiss you forever, we 're  just putting this off." He spoke against Loki's lips, before pushing himself away and picking up the scanner again. Loki sighed and straightened up, bracing himself. Even though he had been assured this would be painless, Loki wasn't sure his state of mind would survive the answer to the question he didn't want asked.

"Okay then, J are you getting this?"  Tony asked as he  leveled  the scanner with Loki's chest. Lights flickered from behind the leather, lighting up the darkened room.   
" Indeed sir, I should be able to create an image momentarily ."    
Loki swallowed hard, his mouth was dry and his tongue felt too large. "Is...is it still-" he began, not wishing to ask but desperate to know.   
"I don't know, we'll see in a moment I suppose." Tony replied gently, placing the scanner back down.   
"Sir, the image is ready, if you would like to make your way over to view it."

In the blue light was now a body that Loki recognized to be his own. The skin was blue also, an unkind reminder of who he was. But inside the body was emptiness, nothing that Loki could assume would represent his magic. He had been right, of course he did not have any magic left, of course this was to be his fate.

"Loki, I...I'm so sorry. I was sure this would work...god fucking damnit! I got your hopes up for this, I'm sorry." Tony all but yelled, walking away from Loki to the other side of the room.  Loki shivered ever so slightly, realizing his chest was still exposed- wait.

"JARVIS?" Loki asked cautiously, unsure of where he was taking this.   
"Yes, sir?"   
"Is there any possibility of redoing the scan? For I believe there is something we have been missing." The words tumbled out of his mouth as he realized the idiot he had been.   
"What for? The scan would just read the same thing." A dejected Tony called out.   
"No, no it wouldn't. Think Tony,  what has stayed the same for me this  entire  time when it should have got lost in the chaos." Loki spoke hurriedly, the tiny seed of hope growing with every word.   
"You...I don't... FUCK! You r  fucking skin! Oh my god we are completely stupid!"  Loki watched as the life returned to Tony.

Tony prepared the scanner as Loki concentrated hard on removing his Aesir skin and revealing the Jotun beneath. Even for such an occassion the experience was uncomfortable, and as the claws returned he realised he had left holes in the chair back he had been gripping.

Tony faced the new Loki, and the flinch he had been expecting never came. Tony just continued as normal, lining up the scanner and trying again. And that was why Loki was completely in love with this man. He was the only one he could trust to not see the monster he was and look past it to see him for who he truly was. 

And that was when he realized. If he never got his magic back, if this didn't work and Loki was left powerless, he would never be alone. This man, frowning in concentration in front of him would always stay by his side. What had he ever done to deserve this, he wondered. Surely justice would force him into solitude his entire existence. But here was this beautiful man, and it took all of Loki's will power not to have him there and then.

He was so engulfed in his stupor that he had failed to notice that the scan had finished. Tony touched his chest , blisteringly hot against the ice of his skin. He followed him to the hologram once more, not daring to look at the new image until he arrived.    
"It's...Loki...you were right! Hell yeah, we both were right! Also, let's take a moment to appreciate that it is now Science 1 Magic...magic probably like 200 but I am a pioneer for science!" Tony cheered, dancing around the room. He stopped when he noticed Loki's expression.    
"What is it? Why aren't you happy? This is it! You're magic is still here, you can heal yourself, you will-"   
"-have to be a Jotun forever." Loki finished for him, realisation dawning on him.   
"You...what do you mean? You can switch back surely?" Tony asked, eyes narrowed in confusion.   
"I could. But right now I can feel the magic coursing through my veins, I am alive in this form and I know that as soon as I use my Aesir form I shall die once more. How do I bring it back without staying a monster forever?" He looked down at the ground, not daring to force Tony to look into his blood red eyes.     
"No...no no no. Loki you are not a monster. Yeah you sure as hell do not look human, but you are no  monster.  I've seen monsters, and you are nothing like them. Not anymore." He said, approaching Loki slowly and cautiously until he was flush against him, warm lips kissing him, tracing the intricate lines of his body. 

And then it was all over. The explosion ripped through them, pushing them down to the ground and deafening them. Loki reverted back to his Aesir form in defence, and Tony used the devices on his wrists to call up his armour. 

"Not again." He sighed as the faceplate dropped down.


	25. Gold and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be proud of me, I'm uploading so fast. The end is fast approaching my friends, as sad as I am to say it. We will soon be witnessing their final battle. There's still time and more chapters to come, but the end is in sight.

 

 

A long time ago, Tony loved heat. He loved hot countries and sandy beaches, the more likely he was to get sun burn the better. Then he had been kidnapped in a desert and felt too many explosions sear his skin. Now he really hated it. Especially when the heat source was his couch on fire. 

They made it to the site of the explosion in record time, Loki moving so fast the Tony was grateful he had the added power from his suit. They were met with an all too familiar scene. Fire and rubble and bullets, the story of his life. No one was in full battle gear; Steve only had his shield, Clint had his bow and quiver, Natasha her guns and Bruce...well, Bruce was always in battle gear. As was Thor, apparently, as a flash of red and silver flew through Tony's vision. They were facing a full-on incursion, men in classic black gear with big guns, another constant in Tony's life. Although something was different this time, insignias. Hydra insignias, to be specific. Which explained a lot. 

Tony used his repulsors  to take out a few guys, if a few means ten or twenty here. They seemed to be coming in through the blown out windows and a massive gaping hole in his wall. And they just kept coming. Relentlessly, wave after wave, more and more men stormed into the building with all the Hydra zeal one could expect. It would be a waste of time and ammo if they just stood there and picked them off.

"Welcome back to the party guys, god it has been a while!" Tony spoke into the comms .   
"Still failing to understand...ugh...the party analogy" Came Natasha's reply, punctuated by what sounded like a broken neck.    
"This is a hydra incursion, if you hadn't already guessed. And seeing as they have the gall to attack Avengers Tower, well, either they are idiots which wouldn't surprise me or they have something up their tentacle sleeves, which also wouldn't surprise me. Keep an eye out for anything suspicious." Tony rambled on as he took out a further ten guys with his missiles. 

" Uhh, guys?" Came Clint, his voice unusually wavering, "I think I found something suspicious."   
"Clint, tell me where you are?" Natasha asked, a hint of worry in her tone.    
"The roof... gah ...they have darts with... fuck...poison..." Tony felt the dread in his stomach as he realised what this was.    
"Shit, Nat get to Clint, Steve, Thor  this poison will get in your bloodstream and remove your powers, I repeat this shit will  remove your powers,  it's what they used on Loki. Has anyone got eyes on Hulk?" Tony yelled into the comms, frantically searching for his teammates. And in all the commotion, he had lost Loki.  God fucking dammit .

He decided to search the building and kill two birds with one stone because no one was replying on the  comms  and he needed to know who had been hit.    
"Does anyone read me?" Tony tried again.   
"I...read...Barton...repeat...down...Hulk...missing... Nat...down...hit-" Steve's already damaged line went down, and Tony willed himself not to spiral into panic. He needed to find Loki, he was still powerless and whilst he definitely was not vulnerable, he had no weapons, no armour and no magic and would only hold out so long against a gun. He moved as fast as he could, taking out Hydra soldiers who got in his way. 

And then he saw him, lying there on the ground wounded, short shallow breaths making his chest rise and fall rapidly. The scream tore out of him before he could think about it and he ran, barrelling through countless soldiers, bullets raining down onto the armour, his heart an erratic drum beat. 

"Loki! Fuck, no you are not leaving now, not when I only just got you back!" He near-sobbed as his faceplate flew up. He  was vulnerable like this, but he didn't care, he needed to see Loki unobstructed. 

He heard the grenade scream through the air and closed his eyes.

* * *

"Not again." Tony sighed as his faceplate dropped down. Loki moved fast, taking long strides as he made his way to where the explosion took place. Tony became Iron Man, starting a conversation with his team that Loki only heard one way. He could not see any of the other Avengers, his vision obstructed by the streams of soldiers entering the building like ants and the blazing fires that raged throughout the building. Tony fought bravely, but Loki was exposed. He still had no idea how to access his magic and he had no weapons or armour. His only hope was to get to a safe part of the building and try to access his magic. He slipped away from Tony who was still fighting well, and used his stealth to get away with minimal damage. He found a relatively unaffected area, there was a degree of damage to the room itself but no soldiers had found it.    
He sat in a corner of the room, the most hidden he could get, and concentrated. Now that he knew his magic was still there, he could feel it. But it was like trying to catch s moke with your hands, every time he got close to it, his power dropped back again. It was infuriating. He needed some sort of lure, a trigger, something that would force the magic out. 

In his concentration, he failed to notice the  soldiers that had approached, five guns trained on him. When he finally noticed he leapt up, a lion hungry for its prey. He was fast, faster than the humans even without his full power. Before they could fight properly he had twisted the neck of one and kicked another away. He fought, but his fists were no match for bullets. There was only one left but before he could kill him, the soldier opened fire. It was not enough to kill Loki, but it was certainly enough to disable him for the time being whilst he healed himself. The soldier, thinking him dead, left the room.

He must have fallen unconscious briefly, for when he opened his eyes the room was once more filled with soldiers. He lay there, still, hoping no one would notice that he was in fact very much alive. And then he heard it, a scream so terrible it near-shattered his heart.  Tony . He was leaning over him, taking in his wounds.

"Loki! Fuck, no you are not leaving now, not when I only just got you back!" He cried over him, and all Loki wanted to do was show him that he was alright. But the noise had attracted the soldiers. 

Loki saw the grenade before Tony, saw it hurtle towards them, saw it in slow-motion. All he could think about was protecting Tony, it was all he wanted, every cell in his body was alive and praying to the Norn that Tony should live. The explosion came, terrifyingly loud, as Loki sat up and crossed his arms over Tony. It was awkward, the Iron Man suit getting in the  way, but he did not care. He needed to protect Tony, those were his thoughts in the brief seconds. His eyes closed, he accepted his due.

Silence. It was all silent, except for their syncopated breathing. Tony cautiously opened his eyes, and was forced to quickly shut them again, blinded by gold and fire. Slowly, he opened them once more, allowing his eyes to adjust to the intensity. He was surrounded by a gold dome, fire licking at its edges but never  pervading. Light was being refracted through shield, creating a shadow of colour which spilled across him.

"Well fuck. Am I dead? Is this heaven? Hell? That would explain the fire. I always thought I-"   
"Oh shut up," Came Loki's voice, laughing, "You are very much not dead."   
"How- what- I don't  underst ..." He looked down at Loki, realisation overcoming his confusion, "You-Your magic-"   
"I saved us...I saved us!" Loki whispered, completely shocked as if only just realising. He grabbed Tony's face and pulled him down into a kiss, not caring for the suit or the fire. He could  feel.  Feel Tony's energy through his lips, taste his heartbeat in his tongue. 

"Your magic came back to save our lives? How clich éd, Loki, I expected more of you." He smirked as he pulled away from the kiss.

The fires had subsided now, and with it the  gold and the colours, replaced by sound and heat and the stench of burning. Tony couldn't bask in his relief anymore though, he had a team to find. But now, he had a god to help him.


	26. Repulsors, Mjölnir and Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well my friends, this is it. The penultimate chapter. I honestly did not foresee this getting so long, but here we are 26 chapters later. Enjoy :)

Darkness had fallen by the time that Tony and Loki started their search for the team. There was an eerie quiet, broken by occasional gun fire. The pair made their way to where the noise was coming from, their journey quiet due to the many dead Hydra. They quickly came upon Natasha, who had seemingly carried Clint from the roof down to a dark corner of the building, her eyes focused on finding more soldiers whilst her free hand rested on an unconscious Clint. As they drew closer, still unseen by Natasha, another burst of gunfire cracked through the air. The Hydra soldier was down in an instant.

“Natasha?” Tony called out, as they approached, not wishing to startle her when she was very much on alert.   
“Tony?” She answered, cursing under her breath in Russian, “Clint is down, clearly. He had a dart in his leg, looks like a tranquiliser but I’ve never seen a tranq do this.” She demonstrated what she meant by gesturing to a hole in Clint’s trousers, through which they could see where the dart had hit. Surrounding the puncture wound were branches of grey, poison in his veins marking his skin like a canvas.   
“That is the very same poison they used on me, I believe. Barton should feel lucky, his lack of inhuman power means the poison will not have its desired effect. The same cannot be said for the Captain, the Hulk and my brother.” Loki stated, his voice quiet and resigned. Clearly he did not enjoy the thought of facing the poison again.   
“Then we’ve _got_ to get to them quickly. Natasha, can you hold out on your own for a bit?” She nodded gravely, and Tony and Loki rose from where they had crouched beside Clint.

It was easy to find Thor, he had a tendency to fight with a lot of vivacity and noise. They simply had to follow the sounds of metal clanging against different surfaces.   
“Brother!” Came the tones of Thor, bounding up to meet them. “Something is different about you, yet I cannot quite place it.”  
Loki, in his own special brand of arrogance and ostentation, held up his hand and in a flash of green light stood another Thor in Loki’s place. Thor’s booming laugh reverberated through the rubble.  
“I have always had faith in you brother! I knew there would be no stopping you and your magic.” Thor smiled, a dazzling display of white teeth that made Tony wonder what they put in the water in Asgard that made everyone so attractive. The peace did not last, more surviving Hydra soldiers appeared. But with the combination of repulsors, Mjolnir and Magic, they didn’t stand a chance.

The last Hydra guy fell before any of their weapons could hit him. As he hit the floor, he revealed from behind him Bruce, who was very much not green and angry.   
“They hit me with something that made the other guy leave, so I took a gun and kept going.” He shrugged, his voice very calm.  
“You seen Cap anywhere?” Tony called out, receiving a grave nod in reply.   
“Whilst the poison may have just temporarily got rid of the other guy for me, Steve is not in such good shape.” He spoke gravely, turning on his heel and beckoning the others to follow him.

They very quickly came across Steve, unconscious and bleeding out onto the floor, a tourniquet wrapped around his leg. He definitely was a lot more affected than Clint was by the poison.   
“It seems like it got rid of his healing factor, much like Loki. He needs medical attention. Now.” Bruce soft but quickly, almost as if he would wake the unconscious Captain. But before anyone could move Loki was knelt beside Steve, his hand pressed over the wound as the gold light spread around his body, tendrils of light extending their reach across his skin. When he was done, Loki rose.   
“He will live. I have healed his wound and halted the progress of the poison. I will perform the spell my mother performed on me when we are in a safer position.” He spoke simply and matter-of-factly, before continuing past Steve. “Tarry not, we must remove the threat whilst we still have the upper hand.”

No one could argue with that.

The threat was gone within the next 30 minutes. Bruce stayed behind to protect Steve’s body, and Tony, Loki and Thor worked well as a team. Whilst they fought, Tony couldn’t help but stare at Loki. This was really the first time Tony had seen him fight without fearing for his own life. And, _god_ , was he graceful. Loki moved as though he had been familiar with each atom of space around him for years, aware of each piece of rubble like he had been the one to place it there. Each kill to him was a performace, as fucked up as it was Loki killed with beauty. And when he finished, and all the enemies were down, it was that look in Loki’s eye that really affected Tony. He had an intense ferocity in the way his eyes were widened, he darted his gaze around the room, eyeing up potential prey. Really, Tony was more turned on than he should have been.

Once they had scouted out the entire building and deemed it safe (well, as safe as a burning building with a hole in its side nearly 100 stories up could be) and returned to gather the unconscious Steve and Clint. Seeing the two unconscious bodies side by side on the rubble strewn concrete was an unwelcome reminder of the potential. Tony was glad these were the only casualties and that Loki was here to counteract them.

Loki showed no signs of exhaustion as he held out his hand over the two bodies and removed the poison; all his face showed was concentration. He had explained before he started that the spell would be easier as neither Steve nor Clint had had the excessive amounts of the poison that Loki had been subjected to. That didn’t stop Tony insisting that he stay to watch Loki, not just out of curiosity, but because the second Loki showed signs of mental or physical exhaustion, he wanted to be there to help. As it was, those signs never came.

Steve and Clint woke a few hours later, having been placed on their own beds as pseudo-hospital beds. Both Loki and Bruce recommended they rest, but they were stubborn bastards and wanted to be a part of the debriefing.

It wasn’t their usual kind of debriefing, sat around an office table in a stuffy room in S.H.I.E.L.D facility. They were all sat around Clint’s bed, something Clint was not too happy about.

“Why does it have to be my room, anyway?” Clint had asked, rather groggily, as they crowded around his bed, “I’m fine, I can get up. Steve’s up, why don’t we do this around his bed?”  
“Because you don’t have a healing factor like Steve, so please shut up we need to talk about what’s happened.” Natasha chided as she sat cross-legged on the foot of his bed.   
“Okay, so, I think we can gather what has been going on around here, but if you are slow I’ll explain. Hydra had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D, for how long nobody knows. They then got access to my party, possibly after me or Loki, and placed the bomb. Then, when Loki turned himself if, they used this poison on him as an experiment in removing powers. Now they have perfected it, and used it against us.” Tony explained.  
“When Clint and I did some recon on potential Hydra bases, we found one still active. We sent agents out to take them down, and we got word that they had worked. Clearly that was misinformation. We should go back and do it ourselves.” Steve continued, his tone very much set in its Captain mode.   
“Let’s rest for tonight and leave in the morning. JARVIS, remind us to not let other people do our dirty work. Once again, it’s down to the Avengers.” Tony sighed, and placed a hand on Loki’s back.   
It was going to be a long few days.


	27. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omg this is it guys, hold onto your hats. I might cry. (this is also one of my longest chapters omg)

It had been a long time since Loki had felt the camaraderie that thickened the air in the quinjet as they made there way to the Hydra Base. Truthfully, he was unsure he had ever felt it, this strong sense of unity that made a group of heroes a team. Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three, they had never accepted Loki into their team; he was an outcast and he thought that was just the way of things. But here in this quinjet thousands of feet above a realm he had tried to conquer, here with this group of outcasts, here with this team he felt at home. He had been so cynical of the Avengers initially, but truly they were something to marvel over.

“Okay, guys. ETA 5 minutes.” Steve stated, breaking the silence with a commanding tone, “The base itself is comprised of 3 stories, but there are 4 outbuildings that need clearing as well. Obviously expect resistance, although if they have Fury its more than likely they have other hostages as well so watch out for them. It’s possible they took the previous team of agents, so if you find them try to get them out. We’re going to sweep the buildings, clear them of any threat, and hopefully find Fury along the way. Clint, I want you to find somewhere high up to scout, Natasha you’re with me, Thor take the outbuildings, Tony you go with Loki, and Bruce, we’ll call if we need the other guy. We clear?” The briefing itself was really very obvious, but Loki was not going to be the one to point that out and ruin any semblance of acceptance he had gained. He was answered with a raucous round of “Yes, Cap!” and the sound of the quinjet’s descent.

It was dawn, the early morning hues of blue and orange hidden behind a curtain of cloud. Clint had skilfully landed in a small opening in a canopy of forest, the quinjet hidden from the view of base, whose high watch towers were peaks on the horizon in between the trees. The dew of the forest clung to Loki’s leather, a familiar sensation conjuring memories of hunts as a child. He could see the memories on Thor’s face too, who had turned to face Loki with a reassuring smile. He could not see Tony’s face though, a shame really that what made him such a force was something which hid him completely. There was something to be said about that, but Loki was not one for psychoanalysis.

They wait for Clint to get somewhere high, initially fulfilling his nickname and choosing a tree.  
“Okay, well, there is no one on the watch towers, so we should be safe to approach the base. From the looks of it, I can’t see any movement inside either. I doubt its empty, it’s too quiet for it to be abandoned if that makes sense. Proceed with caution, guys.”

With Clint’s information they do proceed, splintering off into the two teams, Steve’s team finding a back entrance and Loki and Tony using the main entrance. The building itself was dilapidated, harsh concrete walls giving way to broken windows and rotting wood. It certainly did not look inhabited. They stopped outside two large wooden doors, barely holding on to their hinges.  
“Do we knock or…?” Tony quipped, prompting Loki to lift the door off the frame and deposit it behind Tony.  
“You know, I appreciate all the peacocking but its hard to see you all macho and strong in all that leather. I miss the helmet, by the way, it was a good look for you.”  
“It was rather…impractical. But if you think I looked good, well, maybe I should wear it more often.” Loki replied, wishing he could see Tony’s face bear the smirk he knew it would.  
“Could you guys not, you know, do the sex talk on mission. I really don’t want to throw up, it’s already cold up here and I don’t want to be covered in frozen vomit.” Clint whined through the comms, making Loki smirk at Tony, who nodded in reply.  
“Well, Loki, you could wear it tonight.” Tony continued, ignoring the gagging sound coming from Clint through the comms.  
“I’m wearing it right now. How about we find a dark corner of this abandoned building and-“  
“Tony, report in.” Steve interrupted, ruining the fun.  
“We’ve got nothing here, not a soul in sight. Clint, anyone on the perimeter?” Tony asked, the smirk falling from his voice.  
“Nope. Besides, I can’t see. All this vomit is making my eyes water.” Clint complained.  
“It looks like the place has been abandoned.” Natasha stated, and she was right. There was no sign of life other than the cockroaches Loki was sure were scrambling beneath his feet.  
“What next then? If they have fled and taken Fury with them, where would they-“ Loki’s voice stopped in its tracks. He had just stepped in something that stuck to his boot in a disgusting way. He did not need to look at his feet to know it was blood, he had seen enough in his life. At least it made good forewarning for the pile of bodies a little way ahead of him and Tony.  
“I think we found the team of agents…they, uh, didn’t make it.” Tony all but whispered, disgust filling his voice.

It did not take long for the others to find them, still stood around the fast decaying corpses. They gathered some way away from the putrid, penetrating smell of flesh that reminded Loki of a being he did not want to remember.  
“We should plan where we head next when we get back to the Tower. I’ve already got the repairs started, so the place should feel like home in no time.” Tony said, lifting the face plate.  
“I have to say, I’m surprised there is no sign of life. Not even a peep.” Clint added, glancing around the crumbling room. Although, that gave Loki an idea.  
“Wait,” Loki held up his hand, gesturing for silence. If he could enhance his hearing, he would be able to definitevely tell if the hydra agents were hiding somewhere or were truly gone.

He focused on his breathing, feeling a warm buzzing at his ear signifying the spell’s beginning. It was familiar and delicious, rich like honey yet refreshing as river water. And then he could hear it all, the shuffling of feet, the hydraulics of Tony’s armour, the roar of a breath and the whisper of a voice, distant yet pronounced.  
“ _You motherfucking Hydra meat shields better move the fuck out of my way_.” There was no denying that this was the voice of Fury.

“I hear him, he is in a sub-basement. He is _very_ much alive.” Loki smirked, at the mixture of shock, pleasure and confusion on the faces of the Avengers.  
“W-what did he say?” Steve blustered.  
“You motherfucking Hydra meat shields better move the fuck out of my way.” He repeated cooly and slowly, being sure to over-pronounce each consonant for the desired effect of shock. He may have been a changed man, but he was still the God of Mischief. They set off after Fury, only after they had finished laughing.

JARVIS managed to locate a disturbance in the air on the lowest level of the main building, suggesting a hidden door. They were extremely naïve to not consider hidden pathways, Loki admitted to himself. They had called Bruce to join them, a fight definitely approaching. As they approached where they assumed the door would be, Loki made sure to steal as many glances as he could of Tony, who still had his faceplate up. He could not predict the outcome of the fight, and wanted to remind himself of Tony’s face as often as possible while he still could.

Tony pressed down on a patch of wall which was not as cobweb ridden as its neighbours. It fell back with a crash, and the battle began.

The first few minutes of a fight were always Tony’s favourite, he mused as he fought. The intensity of the beginning was unmatched, everyone thinking they will be the last man standing and almost everyone being very wrong. But more than that, the beginning was the best because it was over so quickly. The enthusiasm never lasted in all the enemies they had fought. They always realised, after on average 4.75 minutes, that their efforts were completely futile when up against the Avengers.

And who could blame them? The Avengers really were _awesome_ , if he said so himself (which he did). The melody of metal, bowstrings, gunfire and now magic was truly a symphony. They were as badass as badass got. And there was no denying it, Loki was the perfect addition to the team. As much as Tony wanted to keep Loki in a room made of cushions just to make sure no more harm ever came to him again, Loki could hold his own. He seemed to be multitasking, holding up a shield around Fury with his left hand and with a flick of his right wrist knocking down 5 Hydra agents, whilst simultaneously looking _so goddamn attractive_ that it was taking Tony a lot of will power to stop his boner. God, he really loved that man.

Once the Hydra Agents had lost their enthusiasm, it did not take long to defeat them. A few hardcore believers threw themselves on top of Thor, which was quite comical to watch, but that was about the extent of their enemies strength. They were eventually just picking them off, and before long the large room that had a distinctive dungeon flavour was empty, save for The Avengers and Fury. It was only then that Tony noticed that the floor was not the flagstone he had expected for a dungeon, but metal grating which gave way to a deeper level, filled with large tanks of a black, tar-like liquid.  
“Three guesses what’s down there.” Tony quipped, staring down at the serum which had nearly killed the people he loved most in his life. If someone could hate liquid with the passion only reserved only for cancer and Hitler, well, he certainly could.  
“Who wants to blow it up? Can I have the honour? Pretty please?” He asked, with a childish tone.  
“Leave that to us, Stark.” Came Fury’s baritone as he limped towards the team.  
“Can we trust you to destroy it Fury?” Asked Steve.  
“Can I trust any of you? Don’t think I haven’t noticed the elephant in the room.”  
“Fury I can assure you that I’m in my right mind, and so is Loki. We all are.” Tony said firmly.  
“That doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence, Stark,” Fury said before giving each Avenger and finally Loki a measured look with his eye. “But you can explain it to me on our way back to New York. God knows, I’m gonna need a whiskey to listen to this. Besides, I need my best agents to investigate the intel I got from being down here. Something about The Winter Soldier? You should probably check that out.”

They made their way out of the Hydra Base, a smile even on Natasha’s hardened expression, and Loki’s hand in Tony’s, where it belonged.

_To be continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh that's it! Thank you soooooo much for reading An Arrangement of Sorts. This was my first full length fic and I'm amazed at the welcome it has received. There will be a sequel, and it may or may not involve the Winter Soldier, and may or may not involve both stucky and frostiron ;) I don't know when that will happen, possibly this June or July, so subscribe to the fic or to me to keep an eye out for it! If you have enjoyed this fic I would appreciate it so much if you told others about it, I would love you forever. Once again thank you so much, and I will see you again in June or July!


	28. THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER

_Just to let you know (because I have no idea how notifications work on this website) but the[ sequel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4046683/chapters/9104095) to this fic is now up!_

 


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